¤ ~ *where yØur [ hea®t ] is, there yØur treasure will be ~™ ¤

Taking me by surprise

2011-12-14T04:40:00.003+08:00

> Taking me by surprise

On my first day of college, I met a course senior who brought us around the college for a tour. I could still remember his curly hair with streaks of blond curls chucked messily in between a mass of black. Nice guy, he bought some of us drinks at the mamak, and then that was it. College went by with us occasionally exchanging hellos' and goodbyes' along the hallways. I couldn't remember much of him, except that he was nice. We never actually spoke much, now that I recall. He was in the cool crowd, always in some sort of fun mischief. Me? Hmm... just having oblivious fun with my batch of classmates and not really bothered with the seniors.

Then a few years later, I had two weeks of internship torture during my first couple of weeks. I couldn't remember how we had gotten each others' numbers, but one day as I was dragging myself to work in the train, a text came from him, telling me to be strong and be positive, and it will be a beautiful day ahead. (Or something like that).

The texts came more often, which soon became regular chat sessions on MSN (wow, the good ol' days of MSN!) I was pulling an all-nighter one night when he kept me company online. After completing my report, I promptly said I needed to nap badly before I headed to college for report submission. Just before I dozed off, I remembered getting a text from him asking if I needed a wake-up call. I was pleasantly surprised to feel slightly shy about him calling me, so I ignored. At 9.30am that morning, I woke up to his voice gently waking me up.

I had butterflies in my stomach!

I brushed it off, got to college, submitted my report, got back home and did my stuff. All the while exchanging texts and flirting a bit, and just found myself enjoying his company.

This nice, sweet guy that I met on the first day of college soon became my source of entertainment during boring Economics class, congratulated me during graduation, encouraged me when I went for job interviews in between deciding to work or to continue degree. And when I started degree, he backed me up with more lame riddles and entertainment during boring classes.

And amongst the butterflies in my stomachs, the confusion, the fair share of struggles on baggage and burdens, the sheer joy of his presence, I knew I was in love.

That's the thing about life and surprises that God has thrown in for measure. Sometimes the best moments in life do not announce its arrival in a great fanfare of trumpets and fête; it comes quietly and unexpectedly. It takes you by surprise; and when you look back, you're pleasantly surprised to have had the opportunity to experience those moments.

It's been a few years since the day I realised this guy is much more special than I thought he is in my life. I have enjoyed every moment with him; the happy ones for giving me so much high and fulfillment in my life, the lows that have made us a stronger couple, the silly moments that have alleviated him to be my personal clown... all of it, I love them all. Our love story is nothing like a fairy tale with the white horse and heroic acts of saving the damsel in distress, but it is ours. Our love story to tell.

Most of all, I love this man who has continued to love me when I was unlovable. Who held me when I was too tired to hold back the tears on rough days. Who made me laugh and laughed at my lame jokes. Who supported me when I was a restless dreamer. Who just loves me, skinny ass, stubborn, knows when to switch to manja mode just because I know I can get away with things, all that and so much more.

I will always say that we don't know what the future will hold, because it's true. Man plans, but ultimately God's will prevails. But whatever it is, I want you to know how happy you make me feel. You have let me dream, supported me, and yet kept me grounded when I strayed too far. You have taught me to see how God sees, and not man. To live richly through the intangible things that matter. And your Jamaican ways ;)

Cheers to the milestones, of student years and the coming years of bitching about the corporate and the clients, learning new things about each other and to more adventures to come that will still take us by surprise! *clinks*

Happy belated anniversary to us. Let's stay weird and gross. :)
thanks for making me a better person - of seeing the bigger pictures, learning to let go and relax, to share Christmas shopping days, for tahaning my highly disorganised lifestyle and organised lists of things, piku-piku, bird's nests and schemings ;) i love you, matthew ho chi minh! hehe!

(Picture taken on a random day when we met for lunch during work,
and was pleasantly surprised to be colour coded.)

> Extraordinary life lessons in ordinary times

2011-12-07T02:13:00.001+08:00

> Extraordinary life lessons in ordinary times

"Pick battles big enough to matter, but small enough to win."
- Jonathan Kozol-

A couple of weeks ago, we had a brainstorming session with our PR agency for some upcoming PR initiatives for the new year. Whilst trying to share with us the inspiration behind her ideas, the MD of the agency - a wise, soft-spoken and funny woman whom I shall refer to as 'May' - shared with us a personal anecdote.

"I believe when we were all younger, we all had role models, or simply just individuals, that we looked up to, or had played a role in shaping us to be who we are today regardless through positive or negative experiences. I had mine, too," May had divulged. She shared that during her early years in the workforce, she had a lady boss who was simply a mean person. She would shout and scream at employees, and she was also very rude. A boss from hell, basically.

Despite that, May admired her boss and her success. One day, May walked into her boss' room to see her dressed in "one of the most beautiful silk blouse I had ever seen," described May. "It was beautiful, and that day, I told myself, I will work hard and I will buy myself a beautiful silk blouse like that, too. Today, I can buy myself many silk blouses, simply because that day, my boss inspired me to work hard. Bad boss or not, she had inspired me."

May's story stuck with me for quite a few days, and clearly, even until today. What I liked best about May's story wasn't in the part that she had shared. It was in the part I had seen with my own eyes that need no words to describe. This MD, now successful and can afford such luxuries in her life, is one of the most humble and nicest person I have met. She could be like her boss when she reached the top of the rung. She could choose to be mean, simply because she can. But she didn't.

I'm compelled to share this seemingly simple, yet profound anecdote because I saw relevance to my life, especially of late. I guess these past couple of months saw me not just being inspired (if I were to put it nicely), but also being pushed to the edge by people who are somewhat being deemed as 'successful' by the world's standards. But I believe I was being pushed in a positive way.

In the course of these few months, I have encountered people who have unashamedly put me down with their wealth, their level of authority, their rationale that "just because I can", and their immaturity. Sadly, some of these are even friends.

Was I affected? Of course I was. But it surprised me that although it had stirred me, the lessons I got from it all was largely this strong desire to NOT be like them. Some of these people are friends I had known for some years. One particular friend had also blatantly expounded on how wealthy he/she was; which in that situation, was also an indirect implication to how I do not measure up.

Which just got me thinking about these people, and myself. Weren't we once not so rich too? Weren't you once also a young graduate that entered the workforce too? In the pursuits of better things ahead, we have grown. All of us. You and me. And thankfully, most of us are on our way to achieve our dreams; gotten better things, more money, higher positions, etc.

But does that give you and me the right to put others down now that we are at the top of the rung, or at least a higher position than we once were? The younger and inexperienced will come along, fresh and innocent; eager to please. Does that give us the right to give them shit just because we are now better than them? Just because we could now afford to have better holidays, more expensive bags and whatever, a bigger paycheck... really, we are now given bigger rights over them?

Bullshit.

Out of the need to rant, I had busted Matt's ears as I reflected to him about all these. "When did all these needs to be better than each other happened? Because it all clearly boils down to that!" I had questioned. "We grew up together enjoying the simple things. Why are we suddenly comparing whose paychecks are bigger, and who could afford better things? What had happened? Even to me? I'm guilty for having that cocky arrogance too!" Matt had replied, "That's the difference with 'growing up' and 'growing apart'. Sometimes we grow up and then grew apart when we let these things measure the person we are."

I guess I could say, I really should thank these friends for reminding me about the lesson of humility; and not let myself be affected by their cocky arrogance. Like May, my encounters with these people have opened up my eyes and I believe have moulded me and taught me important lessons. I hope God will forgive me if and when I was ever arrogant in the past, and I hope in future, I will take this lessons and remind myself not to be like that, even if I can.

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?"
- Mark 8:36 -

* * * *

Ok. Rant over. I should sleep.

tonight.

2011-09-26T01:45:00.003+08:00

Tonight.

"...no gift is too small..."

"...it's a start!"

"...I am a masterpiece of God..."

"...by future, I meant that..."

Tonight. I will remember tonight, for the rest of my life. It is indeed a start. :)

Acceptance.

2011-09-06T02:29:00.001+08:00

Acceptance.

I was at Memory Lane looking for a card for my boss' birthday, and I spotted a similar Blue Mountain card that Cyrus and Miranda sent to me 2 years ago. Mine had a little tiny silver pendant that says "Believe", with these words standing out, amongst the whole mass of words that made me cry. "...Miracles happen every day because angels are everywhere..." . The card I saw today, with a pendant that said, "Be Strong", said this:

"...There are times in our lives when happiness seems to elude us.
We want more... we wish we were further along in our lives...
we desire better relationships.. we try to push ourselves beyond
where we are at the moment.
Sometimes all that is needed is a change of mind.
A change called "acceptance".
With this change there comes a sense of peace
and a sudden realization that "a shift in thinking"
has brought us the very things we were looking for all along..."

- on a random Blue Mountain card -

On that day, both of them were my personal angels. Sent to cheer me up. I had just entered the workforce then; constantly feeling lost about my future. Both of them were in Australia, final semester of degree I think? Whatever it was, they made me know that I had crossed their minds.

Today is Cyrus' birthday, and I felt this warm, fuzzy feeling came over me when I wished him. How we have all grown. 2 years can make so much of a difference.

And that card I saw reminded me of Miranda, too. I miss her, and I wish I can see her again soon; talked like we used to. I wish we're not separated by the geographical boundaries and the sea.

An old picture of us. Last paper together, 2008.

It has been so long. I think we will still hurt from the things we have to go through now. But we will also laugh, and find joy in the mundane. And not just survive, but soar.

Even if it's not now or instant gratification, we will all be fine.

Little happies!

2011-07-25T22:13:00.004+08:00

> Little happies!

Little things that make me happy: Winning another free hotel stay for sending in holiday pics.

:)

That was in 2008; one of my best, fulfilling travels ever. In 9 days, I will be backpacking in Hong Kong with this same travel buddy - one of my best friends who have never judged, ever ready to be there at my lowest, and always there to accompany me for blonde moments.

See you soon, Hong Kong! And Hoi Yuen Gong Yuen, ngo tei lei la!

(Shit. It's really too late to brush up on my Cantonese now...right?)

Random revelry in May and June

2011-07-11T01:06:00.004+08:00

> Random revelry in May and June

Because I've been wanting to post a decent update but am feeling too lazy, this point form entry will be a quick reminder as to how much things can happen in just 2 months. In 61 days, so much things, and feelings, can breed.

In these 61 days that spanned within May and June, I:

learned that if someone doesn't like you, everything, and I mean, everything, you say/do/have, will be a problem to them.
And referring to point #1, I have learned that I should remind myself for the millionth time, I just need.to.stop.caring. Although it's way easier said than done.
have been through days where I questioned my actions, but recent events have shown that if I've picked a path, then stick to it and give it my best. And things will work out. :)
am now a confirmed employee, and am very happy things are going well so far. Although there will be uncertain days ahead, I'll just need to keep staying positive.
turned a year older and am blessed for all the things my loved ones have done to commemorate my birthday. I'm still ok with the number '24', but I can foresee next year when May comes, I don't think I'll like 25 very much! Although they always say, age is just a number, I really don't think so!
feel like I have aged so much in just these 2 months! I have been through emotionally draining days but some good days too, which is a huge reminder to tell myself to cut all the drama and get on with my freakin' life. :p
felt like a crushed little girl being picked for the "reserved" team, no matter how close I was to being in the team. But guess God works in mysterious ways. Just need to work harder for the next time! :)
managed to squeeze in some indulgences in between busy schedule, which is just so good for the soul :)
And last but not least, would like to share a quote below which I've got stuck on a post-it-note at my workspace. On seemingly tougher days, I hope this will encourage you just as it has for me :)

"Think of every single thing that you "have to" do to get through a day, as things you "get to" do... before your turn is over."

Everything's a gift,
The Universe

I write a birthday entry every year just so I can remember my birthdays in future. It was a good celebration this year, with little holiday breaks in between. I loved that. I think I shall try to make it a point to be somewhere else every birthday from now on. :)

A bouquet of lilies and roses surprised me at my workplace, short breaks and celebration with loved ones

I've come to treasure our tradition of birthday eat-outs. Thanks for always making my birthdays special :)

I loved the impeccable details in Hard Rock Hotel; the branding details are something I could learn from. Gotta say though, my lack of knowledge on the music scene dampened the experience slightly but I had a crash course on that throughout my stay :)

Another birthday tradition which I cherish with childhood friends. Reminders that we are growing older, yet our childish ways never fail to make me laugh at how some things truly never change :) It's gonna be hard to forget this year's celebration; of wine and not taking medication when you're intoxicated, and not calling to check and arriving at a closed cafe. Ahh. Little memories.

Last year when I was jobless for a month, I took up an offer to teach for a children's Holiday Entrepreneurship Program at a learning centre, which proved to be one of the best decisions I've made. The centre's owner is a sweet American lady whom I've learned a great deal from. She was nice to invite me back for one of her modules as a judge for Best Dressed during an event.

Here are some of the kids in their costumes: (from L-R:) Joan of Arc, Goldilocks, Lady Macbeth and a pouting Count Dracula (he was going through the phase where girls had cooties and he shouldn't be standing next to one), Geppeto, Alice in Wonderland, and Little Red Riding Hood.

Shopping with the boyfriend and forcing him to try out clothes. Note to self: it's actually quite fun!

Besides volunteering in ministries, I never really had the chance to do CSR programmes at work for my clients previously. Am glad to be able to now at my current workplace. :)

Jason, my little cousin, turned 1. Maternal instincts kicking in although I know, I'm far from being ready to be a mum now. Hehe!

Because I like this picture, and because this picture shows my rounder face - proof that I have put on weight! *victoryyyy!*

Being undomesticated and utterly useless in the kitchen, the boyfriend bought me a book of soup recipes a few years ago. I marveled at the pictures, then kept the book untouched on my shelf. Now, 3 years later, he somehow tricked me into a deal: I have to try out a soup recipe and boil him a type of soup. Before I turn 24! Celaka. I knew I couldn't weasel my way out, so the above picture is the result: peanut soup with pork knuckle.

And I don't care if I sound like I'm blowing my own trumpet, but the soup was good ok? :p Matt loved it (he better not be pretending!). And urm... ok fine, I got some help from mum. XD

Oh, and I started baking a little too! :) Big improvement for someone as useless in the kitchen as me, I tell ya!

Went to the MPO to catch a violin orchestra, which turned out to be such an amusing and lovely night. Got upgraded seats too, much to my surprise! Tip: don't be too early, get into the hall just before the show starts. ;)

Matt got confirmed at work too, and I'm so jealous - they get a mortar board! Eeyer why so nice one? I want that too!

And there, my old boyfriend is also a year older now. Bordering 'uncle' age already! Haha! He'll kill me if he sees this but I wouldn't worry since he doesn't read this anyways :p

May & June saw plenty of food excursions; contributed to my weight! ;)

Dimsum treats for my parents - worth waking up early on a Saturday morning. :)

Coffee always makes the day better :)

Fish Village, Semenyih. Worth the drive, definitely.

Canoodling, Bangsar. Sigh, why do most waiters have shaky hands? :(

My first Royal Rangers camp was when I was 10. Ate camp food cooked with campfire, and a year later, was trained to build a fire with only one match. Killed my first chicken when I was 14 at Survival Camp, although I was crying like crazy whilst slaughtering the poor chicken. Left home for 2 weeks for my first RR mission trip at 15, and become a commander to 12-14-yo girls when I was 18.

I could name many memories I had with this ministry. Because through RR, I did many things I believed I wouldn't be doing. I had the opportunity to work with kids, and although I know I'm not a perfect leader, it has blessed me with a world of humbling learning experiences. Teaching has kept me grounded; made me a better person because I know my actions are being seen as examples by the younger ones. It has opened up my eyes to know that my calling is probably with children. It has blessed me with the fellowship of many great leaders and friends, and Sundays with Rosanne.

Two Sundays ago was my last Sunday at RR. I came by to say goodbye to the girls, and it was harder than I thought. As I was leaving the RR hall, I caught sight of the buntings which portrayed the RR 8 Blue Points; and there I was, at 'Clean', and Rosanne, at 'Courteous'. And standing there looking at the buntings, I felt a pang in my heart.

I think a lot of people are not aware that it is definitely not an easy decision for me. I'm not afraid to admit here that I did get some sense of slight recoil from some people, but I'm not gonna try explaining myself. I just believe that for everyone, there is a different season; now, it's a different season for me. I will still want to work with kids in future, but for now, there are some things I need to work on.

Will definitely miss the girls, the Sundays, the camps and of course, time with Rosanne. But this goodbye is not permanent. :)

Sometimes, I find myself wondering, where the hell did time go? It's already July. Despite the crazy two months, I'm glad there were some time to unwind, to indulge, to cry over a cup of coffee and girly manicures, to love and to let go.

And not to forget, to live.

If the rest of the year is going to be as crazy, ok, bring it on. I might still cry, but I hope I'll remember to take this as my turn to "get to" do these things... before my turn is over. And I hope you do too. :)

Happy rest-of-the-year!

What exactly do you do in PR, really?

2011-06-22T20:49:00.003+08:00

> 'What exactly do you do in PR, really?'

I get asked the above question. A LOT. So if I were asked to pick an article to best describe what I do, this article, of course, wouldn't do complete justice. Because there are just so many misconceptions about the job - about the PR industry. So many facets of it that it is just impossible to explain it in a clear-cut, no frills way. I mean, for example, one of it would be that we do a lot of media relations. But it's more than just meeting them and pitching a good story. In this social media, technology and advertising-saturated world, it's a whole different game altogether.

But I have to admit that this article is good, and most importantly I see truth in it.

Despite the days when I just want to walk away from corporate and be a teacher and just freakin' screw the corporate ladder... really, my job is truly interesting. Guess that's the beauty of it.

- - - -

[ Taken from PRDaily.com ]

An ‘awesome’ career: 10 things PR pros do in their jobs

By Claire Celsi | Posted: June 20, 2011

I watched the Indy 500 this year. I'm of those people who didn’t care about the Indy Racing League—the cars, the drivers, the sport.

That is, until I worked on the ethanol account at a public relations firm. For two years, my team and I had an incredible opportunity to shape a national debate: Would ethanol be a part of our nation's solution to our dependency on foreign oil?

The people who hired us wanted to build awareness for the corn-powered fuel and educate Americans on its benefits. It proved to be a challenge. Outside of the Midwest—where corn is hauled to ethanol processing plants and turned in to pure alcohol—it did not have much name recognition.

Until the Indy Racing League announced that all of its drivers would use 100 percent ethanol in each and every race.

The day that Paul Dana, ethanol advocate and first driver of the "E" car, was killed in a test run at Miami Homestead is firmly planted in my mind. I dropped everything to write a press release about Paul's death and his legacy, my thoughts bouncing from the loss, to his grieving wife and their unborn child, to my need to get the facts right.

The experience of working on this project revealed what it means to work in public relations and what, exactly, PR professionals do.

Here’s my take:

1. They shape the debate. Ethanol is a mandated fuel mix in many states. But winning the hearts and minds of the American consumer was the goal. My job was to identify the knowledge level of the consumer, identify strengths and weaknesses, and to use public relations channels to inform the public through a variety of means.

2. They research. The only way to measure consumer awareness was to do national research, which my company commissioned. Then, using the raw data, my job was to identify areas in which consumers needed more information, had erroneous beliefs, or simply didn't care. Knowing how to design and execute a research plan was crucial to my job.

3. They write. After identifying key messages, we wrote them in to all kinds of documents. We wrote an Ethanol insert for all the Indy car programs; we wrote fact sheets, news releases, media pitches, position papers, PowerPoint presentations, op-ed pieces, Web copy, blog posts, and ad copy.

4. They plan special events. The photo above was taken at an event at a Dallas 7-Eleven store. Our second driver, Jeff Simmons, took over behind the wheel after Paul Dana passed away. That event featured two more Indy car drivers, the Secretary of Energy, and ethanol advocates from all over the country. We gave away cheap ethanol and pitched reporters all over the state. It took a lot of time and planning, but it reaped benefits in the local media and taught Texas to pronounce ethanol "Eth-an-ol" rather than "eeeth-an-ol."

5. They manage crisis situations. When Paul Dana died, the ethanol industry suffered a psychological blow. Not only was the circuit’s most passionate and visible advocate dead, but he died in a fiery crash in the ethanol "E" car. Not a great visual. Moving the organization past this loss and regrouping was part of my job.

6. They talk to the media. I formed relationships with media across the country while working on the ethanol account. It was my job to think of as many angles as possible, so my team worked hard on finding reporters from as many beats as we could. We ended up pitching energy reporters, business reporters, feature reporters, and trend reporters. The most memorable and creative pitch my team did ended up appearing as an AP story in more than 140 different media outlets.

7. They find advocates. There were many allies of ethanol, such as corn growers, industry groups, convenience stores, "Clean Cities" initiatives, and of course, the Indy Racing League. It was our job to reach out to them and form alliances for our client, and figure out ways we could work together.

8. They tell the truth. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's tempting to skip steps, make assumptions, and push the button before the facts are checked. Sometimes the client is asking you to do things that push the boundary of the truth. Sometimes it's your boss. Don't be tempted to take shortcuts that will undermine your credibility with your team, client, or employers.

9. They educate themselves. PR Professionals should be among the smartest people on the team. They're articulate, well read, and care deeply about the subject matter they represent. They keep up on current events, read the newspaper, and know about what's going on in the world.

10. They use new media tools. There has been much debate about the role of social media in the PR world. Moving forward, I can't imagine a PR professional doing a thorough job in any industry without using all tools as their disposal.

Through my experience working on this account and many others, I've used every part of my brain to help my clients put their best foot forward. I've helped them make business decisions, challenged them to think about certain issues in a new way, and given them fresh perspective.

(I want to reiterate: I was only one person on an entire account team. No one person could have done all this work.)

It's invigorating. It's why I love my job. PR is an awesome career.

'And I Held Your Hand, And Walked Right Up The Bus'

2011-05-23T20:04:00.005+08:00

> 'And I Held Your Hand, And Walked Right Up The Bus'

I watched 'Heartbreaker' on a whim alone sometime last week, after reading about the movie being featured in the French Film Festival. The movie review said something along the lines of 'even the most jaded hearts could be warmed', so naturally I just had to watch it.

I don't think I'm jaded. At least I hope not, at 24. I guess I just grew up. I still believe in love, I still believe in a 'forever'. I still do the cheesiest things and dream a little about a white picket-fence house and perhaps a little child running around and then maybe running into his daddy's arms while I look on and smile at my little family. Ok ok, maybe that's too idealistic, even for me. But yes, I still do believe in my type of realistic 'forever'.

Being a romantic at heart, I think my standards of 'romantic' is definitely set high. But of course, I've been hurt before and hurt can do many things to you, including not believing. Not believing that good things can still come your way. Oh yes, and putting up a wall automatically for the next person who comes around, having them claw harder to reach who you really are inside. And then there's the ever-guarding heart - when things are going well, you secretly wonder if something bad might happen soon. Yep, hurt does all these things to you.

But the movie didn't exactly make me swoon and all. I smiled at certain parts, yes, warmed slightly by it even, but I left thinking, that's still a movie.

It's the little things that the movies overlook. It's those little things, putting in the effort to make you happy, that matters.

Thank you for showing me that. The things I don't need to see in the movies, but through the little things that you do.

"Women in couples come in three categories: happy, knowingly unhappy,
and unhappy without admitting it."
- Alex Lipli, 'Heartbreaker'

<3 you :*

Me trae muy lejos

2011-04-22T02:51:00.000+08:00

> Now, In This Lifetime, Love Me, Love Me Now

Sometimes, a part of me can choose to be (too) oblivious of others' opinion towards me. Other times, I am so painfully conscious that I stiffen up and end up not being myself.

Tonight is a lesson for myself, most definitely. Tonight I'm sitting crossed leg at a public place, ignoring the stares I'm getting from some onlookers, yet I'm here solely because I was being painfully self-conscious about what others would think of me in the first place. Lesson learnt: ET, if you really don't want to do something, never be afraid to say no right from the start. Remember that - how many times must you go through situations like these?

Ok. Note To Self end. Before I get into yet another self-cryptic entry.

Strolling into May soon - my favourite month! :)) Ok, no points for guessing why! I feel sooo old -_-!! People say that a woman in her mid 20s', reaching her big three-O, is at her prime. She looks her best, and feels her best, and may probably be at her best; climbing the corporate ladder, marriage, and whatnot. Welllll, I don't think I'm looking my best now (I could use a load more fats), I don't think I feel my best now (life is good, but I'm still a bit lost on certain stuff), and I definitely am not at my best now, in terms of the corporate ladder (what corporate ladder?). But then again, I'm only reaching mid 20s', so I guess I still have a few more years to catch up till I can look, feel and be at my best...? (Self-consoling much :p)

April always make me look forward to my birthday, but also remind me of bittersweet days. A few days it ago was the 3rd year anniversary of a dear friend's passing. I can't believe it has been 3 years. The day meant a big deal to me, and I brought it up to Matt and a good friend. Matt, being sweet (besides the other times when he's a nonsense, silly boyfriend :p), asked if I'll like to do something to commemorate the day, but I really didn't feel like it. To the other friend, initially not intending to, I ended up sending a long email, and along one of the lines, I told her that I do miss him.

Yes, I do miss him. But most of all, I wondered, if he could see me now from Heaven, would he be assured? Every year I asked myself the same question, and this is now the third time. I realised that his passing has toughen me up a lot - most importantly, it made me a stronger person who now appreciates the people around me more. But at the same time, I thought that it made me a little too cautious with life. And it can get a little tiring, being too cautious... you know? Somehow I felt that I've lost that little spark of spontaneity I used to have.

But I know it's not entirely a bad thing. Who I am now, the decisions I've made, being too cautious sometimes, have brought me to where I am now. I only just realised this after my friend's reply to my email. And I'm grateful for those cautious moments, those moments where I was basically an uptight nerd la!

So yeah, uptight days or not, feeling old or not, tonight is one of those nights where suddenly, I feel liberated. I feel good. So tonight, I shall head home after a long day and pour myself a concoction of Malibu and grape juice, and ignore the fact that I have a pressing deadline and watch a movie instead! :)

"...They say nothing lasts forever
We're only here today
Love is now or never
Bring me far away..."
- Michael Learns To Rock, Take Me Through Your Heart"

* * * *

Googling pictures of Hard Rock Hotel in Penang now, and getting overly excited about it. :) I only allowed myself 1 overseas travel this year, and absolutely NO local trips because I've have covered most local beaches anyways, but this came as a surprise. Absolutely cannot wait! :)

My week in a glance

2011-04-03T01:05:00.007+08:00

> My week in a glance

Took a liking on a blend of eye colours

A week full of TV interview schedules and behind-the-scenes. Ok, sometimes PR can be pretty interesting :)

One of the yummiest wagyu sirloin steak and foie gras I've had... but the foie gras tasted weird after a bit. Maybe because the manager started talking about the ducks and it played with my mind :/

A humbling learning experience

Got an anonymous package at work one day - it was filled with Reese's chocs and each one was labeled for a day in the week. Hmmm. I shan't comment further.

Candid shot at a media launch. Now I see why my boss said I frowned a lot. Trying to break that habit!

Live on set at Wanita Hari Ini. One more to go in April and it's a wrap!

I think it's no longer a surprise that my side of the bed will always be the messier one. And I'm the girl! *looks away*

Starting my day with prayer every day really does help with easing into it - even if it has been a hell of a crazy, rollercoaster week.
Sometimes it's ok not to be nice. Sometimes, it's alright to just not care about others and do what makes me happy.
No, correction. Sometimes, just be plain mean when necessary because see what being nice has gotten me into.
It's really nice to see the slight pudge! :) Don't mind more!
Suddenly it seems like I've grown up so much. And it scares me a lot to feel that at times, I don't really know what happened along the way.
All glory goes to God and not taking any bragging rights, but I can do pretty well if I really set my heart into it. Question is, why that tiny void?
I really, really miss a lot of things.
Sometimes, some people will always hold a special place in your heart.
And last but not least, I know we're only stepping into April... but it's been pretty exhausting. I could use a good break.

Of auspicious dates, and perhaps a little more behind it all

2011-03-22T22:22:00.003+08:00

> Of auspicious dates, and perhaps a little more behind it all.

"Each time of life has its own kind of love."
- Leo Tolstoy (The Happiness Project) -

Memories Are Made of This.

2011-02-25T21:46:00.004+08:00

> Memories Are Made of This.

"I hope this works out; maybe we'll get married in about 2 years."

"I don't know if I should do my Masters, or buy a house."

"My career and professional papers are my life - that's what I'm focusing on now."

"Hey, I remember this. Sweet sixteen birthday gift. Wow, we're so old now."

Three different girls in a single friendship. Different dreams. Different goals. But all growing up nonetheless. Growing up and big enough to know that in the end, the papers, the Masters, the house and wedding isn't as important as the things that last.

I hope the future will be kind to us, regardless of short or long-term goals. Above all, I hope the happiness we find along the way to those dreams will not be overrated.

Contentment: Work In Progress

2011-02-06T23:05:00.003+08:00

> Contentment: Work In Progress

Last week, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I’d won myself a hamper of beauty products. A friend happens to be working at the place I was supposed to collect my prize so we made arrangements for a quick lunch together. We had met whilst I was doing my internship at Grey PR.

So she is now working in a media house, and me, still in PR. Catching up was a pleasure, and of course we got down to talking about what we were doing after the internship in 2007. Have we been travelling much? What were our previous jobs? Are we happy now? And ultimately, are we even considering other options now?

Which brought me to a thought that crossed my mind. I wouldn’t dare say for everyone else out there – though I have a strong inkling that it applies the same to all – but I think I will always be searching. Searching for something that one day, someday, I will cross my arms, sit back and say, this is it. I’m happy with what I’m doing now. And then I’ll smile.

But really, even I roll my eyes at such naïve thoughts my mind could conjure up sometimes.

I emailed a friend just last week sharing about my new job doing Corporate Affairs with Amway. It’s been a month (wow! Time really flies!) of me being ‘on the other side’, as I’ve always coined not being in an agency. The other side of telling the agency to write news releases and Executive Briefing Documents, to find out how many pax of media which will be attending the event, and pushing them if need be, writing some CEO’s speech and briefing them about the event – basically what I’d been doing for the past 1.5 years, and a lot more.

My first week took some getting used to. I can’t believe it, but I actually missed the hectic, crazy deadlines of an agency! Sure, I whine about it, but there’s just this remarkable sense of achievement when one can churn out a news release or an EBD in 2 hours. Or when one secures a successful media pitch to The Star? And when the editor remembers you? Or when your team wins at the Malaysia PR Awards? You’ll need to be doing PR to fully comprehend how fulfilled that feels. And that, is a great feeling.

So I missed that at first, but I knew that I had made a choice – to have time for loved ones AND the things that I would like to pursue. Amway has been so far so good, and under good leadership from my boss, I know this is a place I can grow; and I’m looking forward to this whole new learning curve.

But my point is how even when we’re at a seemingly good place, we are still searching at the back of our heads, deep in our hearts. My friend seems happy there, but she says she’s looking and is seriously considering changing jobs soon. It’s not a bad thing, but you get what I mean?

I drove home that day thinking, what if I had done things differently? What if I’d gone for a flight attendant interview, got it, and pursued it? What if I’d ended up applying as a teacher in a private school? These are two things that I’ve seriously considered and are the few things I’m very passionate about – travelling, and nurturing talents. What if I’ve not stuck with the conventional way of graduating as a major in PR and took a PR job, but did those instead?

I realised then, my life has not turned out to be how I have expected it to be. It’s true – I had wanted to join an airline as a flight attendant right after I graduate. I didn’t care whatever stereotypes of high-class waitress a flight attendant was termed, I just wanted to travel, fly, see the world, and earn the money as a stepping stone to my own business. I did NOT want to be a part of the PR industry. I had a timeline as to which year I would want to have my own car, my own house, and to start a family, and a business. I had plans to travel to certain countries, and basically, just have plans for pretty much a lot of things. But yeah, that day driving home, I knew my life did not span out to how I’ve expected it to be.

As humans, we’ll all be constantly searching; and that’s how it goes for me. I’ll always be in search for ‘better things to come’. But that day, it drew on the fact that, yes, it has not become what I’ve expected to be, but I’ve been so blessed. In fact, things have been somewhat better than what I’ve expected it to be. Just shows how amazing God can be. I guess God knew what I was capable of, and what I’m not. He just knew.

I felt contented; happy, even. Grateful for everything, because everything has its reasons. And because contentment is fleeting – it darts away as quickly as it is felt; I doubt that the feeling will last. Because as flawed as my desires are, I will soon yearn and search harder. And simply because of this, I feel the need to pen these thoughts down now, just as it is, as a reminder to myself. If someday I should look back and wished for a different path, I’ll remember that somewhere, sometime ago, God had it all planned out for me.

And He will, always. As always.

[entry intended for my personal journal, but ended up here]

> ok. so maybe I could be wrong

2011-01-17T23:18:00.003+08:00

> Ok. So maybe I could be wrong...

Maybe it's too soon to scratch what I've just blogged about in my previous entry, but...

... maybe there IS work-life balance after all! :)

(okayy, so you all can stop rolling your eyes now and go, 'duh, stupid. only you make a big deal out of it.')

Haha. ok so it really is too soon to tell - it is, after all, only into my second week. But things are significantly different. Everyday when I share with Matt about my day, I always, always have this statement somewhere amidst my ramblings, "wow. so this is how it is being on the clients' side!'

And he, on the other hand, will reply in this nonchalant, what-do-you-expect tone, "yep. that IS how it is like being on the clients' side."

Poor guy - so sorry if he had to endure my endless rants about work. Every, single, day. :P

On another unrelated note... OMG. Appeton Weight Gain tastes horrible! :'(

2011, and simplicity

2011-01-10T21:58:00.005+08:00

> 2011, and simplicity

So they say, better late than never, right? So... happy new year to whoever that drops by this humble blog of mine! :) May 2011 not be yet another overrated year, but of greater joy, love and opportunities from God!

As always, the last few days of 2010 saw me reflecting on my year, and writing down goals for 2011. Every year, I have this habit of listing down goals I'd like to achieve, and then summing it all up into a theme. 2010 was BALANCE, simply because I wanted to achieve a proper balance in my life; juggling all aspects like family, relationships, work, etc.

Not proud to admit it, but even though I did achieve some goals, I failed in the whole balance section. :/

2010 was a challenging year. Well, to be honest every year will definitely get more challenging than the previous years, so it wasn't like I didn't expect hurdles and challenges. But achieving balance sure was tough, especially when it comes to work. And seeing that work took up pretty much most of my time, everything else eventually got caught off the tangent as well!

I started out my working life trying my hardest to prioritize balance. But I looked back and realized, maybe this thin line I call 'balance', is probably just not the right word at all. The more I tried, the more it dawned on me that, at every point, one side of the scale will always be tipping more. I guess yeah, it had to take me a full year to finally realize that maybe for me, work-life balance is pretty hard to achieve, especially working in a PR agency. Equal 50-50 on each side? No way.

So I figured that as long as I make sure the important people in my life are not neglected, I'm not gonna worry much about balance for 2011. It's a new year, and I'm making way for a new theme: SIMPLICITY. Why? Well, I didn't just pick simplicity as a random theme. I won't go into the details, but I think as much as I harped on the beauty of simplicity, I'm a very complicated person. Always have been. So for 2011, I'm gonna make it my personal goal not to sweat the small stuff. Clear off the fluff. Away with the clutter and trivialities.

And to simply, live simple.

I even made myself a new wallpaper! Hehe so semangat. Bet I'm gonna get bored of it in a few weeks :P

So yeah. Honestly, I think actions speak louder than words. It's gonna take me a lot more than just proclaiming on my blog that I wanna live simple (in whatever ways which I won't elaborate). But I shall try! :)

It's only 10.45pm but I think I shall leave the uploading of pictures for another time and get ready for bed. First day of work tomorrow! I'm sad that my bumming December is over now, but I'm actually excited about this new job! :)

Nanight!

Forever. And ever.

2010-12-11T23:54:00.002+08:00

> Forever. And ever.

–adverb

1. without ever ending; eternally: to last forever.

2. continually; incessantly; always

* * * * *

Around the table, we smile and laugh as happy as can be
Yet tonight, I realized how painful reality can truly be
Reminders to myself that things are more than we all see
We hide; it's all facades, the mask that we carry.

That little gem; oh how it glitters
No, really, I'm not trying to be bitter
It's just, sometimes life can't help but leave broken hearts a litter
Hope against hope, my heart will not belong there, oh you heartbreaker

But isn't life also about hoping?
Hoping for the best - the best in living
Despite the fears, I kept believing
That someday, forever is mine for keeping

But I'm not a princess no more
All those fairy tales, ripped almost to the core
The luxury of what she had - did you know, those were my dreams before?
The wide-eyed innocence, and hopes I thought would soar
Have now became an internal, battling war

That little gem, oh how I envy you
For you belong to that girl who believes in a forever
They think I do, but they don't have a clue
Of how I once believed in that similar manner
Of how I once believed, that there once was
a forever.

- Dara Lei, Forever -

Because life's too short.

2010-11-14T21:33:00.008+08:00

> Because life's too short.

Last Wednesday, I stayed up all night tossing and turning, and then come morning, I drove to work with a personal resolve in mind. Five minutes before my conference call with the regional office at 10am, I tendered my resignation letter to the MD of Southeast Asia.

It would be a lie to say that I don't harbour mixed feelings about leaving Fleishman-Hillard. I know it's been a strong growing platform learning from this global network, and the colleagues' are the bomb. But change is inevitable everywhere, and one thing's for sure, I know I made the right decision, and that morning, I felt so free. It's important to stress, it's not that I'm unhappy working at Fleishman. FHKL has a great working culture and I've grown to really love this family that I work with. And this is so NOT my PR answer, ok? ;) Of course, complaints about work will always be there, but who doesn't? At the end of the day, my ex-bosses Ku and Joyce, and Jon my ex-manager, have been awesome. And I sayang them to bits. :) But why do I wanna leave? That's pretty personal so I won't elaborate much.

So it'll be about three more weeks working in this messy workspace of mine. I'll miss the mess, the colourful post-it-notes from my colleagues that they leave when I'm on holidays and long meetings; those "ET... where are you?" notes, my paperclip war with island mates (cubicle mates) Tze and Faz. And the piles of clients' news clippings. And Nosey the hippo and 'Chak' the dog sitting on top. :) And the little things, of 6pm Affirmation Girl Talk, "don't touch me's", secret clanky emails and all those memories bundled to make my FH working experience, I'll miss all of it.

Then the first thing I wanna do on my first day of unemployment: cuddle in bed and watch The Lion King :)

Talk about taking that leap of faith. Lord, it's gonna be scary, yet I can't explain this feeling of assurance. And to the few whom I share my worries and thoughts with, thanks for keeping up with me. You know who you are.

"i wake up every morning, smiling yet on my toes, not knowing what the future holds, yet excited and holding my breath for what God has in store for me. it feels so damn good. :)"

But I smile, yet again.

2010-11-09T00:37:00.000+08:00

> But I smile, yet again.

"A person needed to be uncumbered but not cast adrift, free but not lost, and loved but not smothered. But how do you manage all that?"
- Tony Parsons, The Family Way -

* * * * * * * * *

The hesitance that I hear.

Makes me feel like the loneliest person in the whole, wide world now.

Awww.

2010-10-31T15:17:00.002+08:00

> Awww.

happy anniversary to me and you. :*

Leaving for good, and leaving for good reasons

2010-10-30T00:31:00.007+08:00

> Leaving for good, and leaving for good reasons

I just typed this long-ass entry, only to save it in my drafts and as usual, kept in private. Think I should just lock this blog for good.

We just had a small farewell for a fellow colleague today. Farewells are quite often now, with quite a few people who left, and two more leaving soon. Every time, as we gather together to pass our colleagues farewell gifts and make them give their speeches, I feel a tinge of heavy-hearted weight in my chest. I know the reasons why we're looking at the other side of the pasture and why despite loving our FH culture, we just... well, gotta do what we gotta do.

It's just time to leave.

I understand that. But it's sad sometimes. This is a whole, great bunch of people I've worked with. Our playful banters, our jokes and our love for food. And the bosses who will fight for our rights and not let us take shit from clients just because they are clients and they pay us.

Next week we're gonna be having another farewell, and this time my own manager, Jon. :/ I'm sadddd. I don't know if I'm ever gonna work with a great boss like this anymore - great bosses are, after all, super hard to find.

Am gonna miss the FH culture. Sigh.

On a lighter, random note, just wanted to share a snippet of FHKL. After Tze and I went around poking and making fun of each other, I did my usual "Tze, don't touch me!" as he will then poke me on my arm trying to make up for it with his "ok la ok la..." Jon showed us a video of what he calls "Esther talking to Tze". Yes, he even tagged us on Facebook!

Enjoy! :p

good times, good times :)

and this, is Tze. the bully :p

our second last team event - AkzoNobel's ColourFutures launch

taken just today. I love this candid shot of the Tech team :)
Steph, Maria the intern whose last day is also today, me and Jon

Yeah, will definitely miss what we deal with at FH :/

Ok, time to sleep. Heading to Cherating over the weekend, yay! :)

Only in dreams

2010-10-03T04:46:00.005+08:00

> You wish.

You know what I really don't mind doing right now?

Quit my PR job, then head to The Andaman and be a waitress for a month (or two, max). Work shifts and laze by the beach when I'm not at work. Get a tan. Lounge by the pool in a bikini. Sip iced tea (because let's face it, then my waitress salary won't allow me daily luxuries of sipping cocktails).

And really enjoy my mindless, proposal-less, work for a month :)

Would be a plus if Matt decides to join me, too.

Right.

Yeah. Dream on, ET.

2010-09-12T17:09:00.005+08:00

It's scary when you have doubts.
Suddenly, a lot of things don't make sense.
You don't feel like you're in a good place.
Your comfort zones are all distorted.

The scariest of all... is when the things that should matter, don't matter.

Then what?

你的心怎么迷路了?

What's happiness to you?

2010-07-26T23:53:00.006+08:00

> What's happiness to you?

23. I'm 23 this year. And this year, along with some years in between, I clasped my hands and closed my eyes, and silently told God, "I wish I'll be happy" as I blew out the candles on my birthday cake. And despite the brevity of the wish; the lighted candles gone in mere seconds... like many people, I believed in two things.

Happiness, and that silly, sometimes perceived as naive, little thing called birthday wishes.

It's not like I'm not happy, hence the wish. I guess as I grew older, the birthday wishes changed from tangibles to intangible; I guess we all grew up. And the older you get, you start to know what's important to you. And being happy is important to me. I didn't exactly have my own definition of happiness; in fact, it's hard to paint a wholesome picture of happiness, really. Well, in my opinion, at least. But you know, that contentment in doing what I love? That assurance? Just this... peace. That's the happiness I'm looking for. But I don't really know how to explain it without sounding like a cheesy ad. Maybe I already do. I dunno.

I got a long-distance call from a dear friend last night, and as we poured out our giggly gossips and heartfelt secrets, somewhere along her lines, she stated simply. "I don't want God to teach me to write brilliantly, or help me be the smartest, or richest. I just want God to make me happy."

And it brought tears to my eyes.

It struck me the whole time ever since she uttered those words. After she hung up, up till tonight, when I'm up trying to finish yet another CEO's speech. Just so simple, yet profound, impactful, thought-provoking string of words, coined together to just shake me inside out.

What's happiness to me? I haven't quite figure it out yet... but maybe I can give a shot.

Of little gestures just to make each other happy...

Being happy to be where I am, at that moment in time...

It's more than just waking up with champagne.

To wake up and look out, feeling so free...

To enjoy the simplest pleasures in life...

And to soak in the world, bit by bit.

and you*.

What's happiness to you?

Note To Self.

2010-07-09T01:13:00.000+08:00

> Note To Self.

You used to be tougher than this, ET.

:'(

Believe that, this too shall pass.

This too, shall pass.

Just... believe.

there will always be a Plan B.

2010-06-16T01:21:00.002+08:00

> there will always be a Plan B.

It was one of the days last week, when I drove myself to work on auto-pilot mode, staring blankly on the road and lost in thought; probably frowning hard as I always do. I don't remember what was bothering me, or which day it was from the crazy, eventful week.

I just remembered feeling extremely tired. From everything, not just work.

After finding a spot in the carpark, I remembered allowing myself just another few minutes till the song finished playing in the CD player, and another 10 minutes just praying. Well, okay, not really praying. More like in conversation with God. Just... talking in my head.

Okay, I'll be honest. I was questioning. Even if I don't remember now, I knew I had just way too many questions and doubts to handle in one sitting.

I don't remember getting any answers then. But that few minutes helped me got a grip on myself emotionally. And for that moment, I felt a bit better.

It's amazing how little things sometimes can just make you feel better. Even if it's the littlest things, really. How a wake up call in the morning can just make it so much easier to get out of bed. How a quick lunch with a good friend motivates you to get work done. How coming back home abit earlier so I have some time to catch up with my parents. How running around the porch with my dog makes me so happy. And a drive-thru kiss from the boyfriend. And occasionally a cold beer after a long night with good company. And how that few minutes with God can make a world of difference.

:)

Ahhhh. One more week, Esther. Just one more week, and you'll be lugging a backpack, in shorts and flip flops and camera in hand. 9 days exploring another dusty city in another country. Overnight train. In 5-star hotels. :) Oh God, I can't wait.

And I promise. I won't think about work. Oh, I won't. :)

Heehee!

Only downside is just missing you whilst I'm travelling. :/

On an unrelated note... why, oh whyyyy am I always wide awake when I really need sleep the most? Ugh. Conference call at 9am tomorrow - it's 6 hours away and I'm wide awake. sigh.

Looking forward to Toy Story 3 premiere tomorrow! :)

Thank God for little things to look forward to - yes, how it makes a world of difference sometimes. :)

Just a quickie

2010-06-03T22:55:00.006+08:00

> Just a quickie

It's been quite a while since I've had the time to actually sit down and blog - the only reason why I have the time now is because I'm down with food poisoning AND gastric, and have been on MC for two days. Tomorrow will be a crazy busy day just trying to catch up on emails and workload. :( Was so glad to gain that 1kg, only to lose 3 more in merely these two days. Hate it when I fall sick. :/

My thoughts in point form, before I try unlocking a couple more mini games from Plants vs. Zombies. I tell ya, that game is so freakin' addictive!

Coco avant Chanel was an inspiring movie - don't consider myself much of a feminist or anything of that sort but watching movies that depict such strong women characters and the hardships to get them to their dreams always inspire me.
Over some coffee with an old friend some few weeks back, I was hit by this realization. Simple, yet a realization that made perfect sense. I wanted to gain the approval of some people so badly. Maybe because I thought that it really mattered that they approve of me. I wasn't really the kind that cared about all these when I was in school - I had my circle of friends, and regardless small or big, I was happy being with the people I'm comfortable with. So I really didn't know why this time it mattered, because I think I stood out like a sore thumb - I was awkward and shy, and the more I tried to be myself, the more I got lost. And I just realized then, it really didn't matter. Anymore.
Which brings me to my next point... I'm gonna make my company count.
I turned 23 a few weeks back, and gosh, yes I know 23 is a good age to be; full of possibilities and endless fun, and CAN actually afford to make a (not so pricey) mistake or two... but damn, I feel old! :P I had a great birthday with family, loved ones and friends though. Appreciate all the extra special lunches and dinners everyone treated me to commemorate this special day. :)
3 more months, and I'm hitting the one-year mark in a PR agency! Woohoo! :)) Truth be told, I never imagined myself in an agency because as much fun as I had when I was an intern, I had other plans in mind. So yes, the one-year mark is an achievement for me. :) Despite the long hours and some crazy clients, cheers to one heck of a great agency, big boss, Jon the immediate boss, and best colleagues I can ever ask for. :)
Cyrus is now working just 6 floors down, and I'm psyched! More lunch times together from now on! :)
I suddenly miss my business, albeit a small one. Thoughts and ideas of being my own boss is churning again... here goes the restless mind again.
It will be a long crazy week at work next week, with 3 events on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, in which I'll be missing an important day. :( One more week! Can't wait for it to be over!
And then my Hanoi backpacking trip is next! Yay! :) Oh how I yearn for a holiday, and a long, good one too!
Ok... now for the yearly ritual of posting some birthday pics for memories' sake!

Thank you, for being the usual sweet you in making all those surprises, breakfasts, the 10-in-1 and Plucky with the flowers ;) You and your silly, funny lil things that you say; your walkswagon and whatnots. I know we will never know what the future holds for us, but as of now, thank you, and I love you. :)
(my first public declaration hehe *shy*)

And you, one of the sweetest friends I could ever ask for - for always taking so much effort in making me feel special on my birthday :) thanks for a great dinner and fellowship, and taking the time to pick the venue. We'll go there another time soon :)

Childhood friends that go way back - again, for going through the planning. Sorry if it seemed like it's always so hard to plan something for me :P but the effort is very much appreciated :) love you both!

My first birthday in FH :) Celebrated with Jon's belated birthday. Check out the cool flames, if you hadn't noticed it already, thanks to Jon's face who probably grabbed all the attention :P

Because in the end, it's the little things that matter...

2010-05-02T01:27:00.002+08:00

> Because in the end, it's the little things that matter...

A good friend of mine is on his way to Tennessee tonight, and I am awfully jealous!

Ever since I was in high school, I've been thinking about exchange student programmes, Au Pair programmes and Work & Travel. I guess traveling has been embedded in my DNA or something. But unfortunately, despite wild imaginations and big dreams, when it comes to matters of work and a future, I ended up with the conventional - getting a job, and sticking to it even though I still check out updates on Speedwing and still occasionally read testimonials of Au Pairs.

Needless to say, the hunger to travel is STILL in me, and it's not dying; in fact, quite the opposite! =P

I remembered having a conversation with Matt one night after work, about work. How we all, of this generation, tend to question and ask more; we probe deeper when it comes to the matters of the heart. We seek fulfillment, we wonder and if we don't find it, we're not afraid to wander. Well, most of the time anyways.

Our parents' generation, on the other hand, are quite easily contented in general. Maybe we are all looking for the same things regardless of generations. We all look for happiness, fulfillment, and maybe... yeah, to find simple joys in what we do everyday. The only difference then, perhaps, is that even if they don't find it, they stuck to it nevertheless..? I know I'm making such a sweeping statement but I realize we really do question alot - a substantial difference with the older generation.Or maybe it's just this handful of us.

As I left from dinner with my friend last night, I gave him a hug and told him to soak it all in on my behalf. Deep down, I'm so proud of him. Not being afraid of doing this alone, meeting new people along the way and just.. well, just doing it. Because we're all only young once.

Our dinner was cut short quite abruptly as I needed to head back to office to get some stuff settled, much to my annoyance. Actually I wasn't just annoyed, I was pissed, because it was almost midnight and I was so tired, AND work interrupted my plans. I did calm down in the end, with Matt coming to office with me - I was secretly looking forward to show him the picture of us at my cubicle, and other little things like that.

And that night, oh, how 'other little things like that' became some sort of moment of clarity to me. As I was driving back, I found myself thinking, screw that chart, Esther. Screw charts and graphs, numbers and facts. The cages, the boundaries, the boxes, screw it.

Start taking flight, girl.

baby,thanks for coming with me that night. you may not know it, but you are my inspiration. :) think i'm on to something here :) :*

breathing it in

2010-04-18T03:28:00.001+08:00

> breathing it in

"...There's something tough about you that I see deep inside..."

This was directed to me last week on the day of my performance evaluation when I was in the GM's room, with him looking at me straight in the eye, the vice president of the company nearby, and my manager, Jon, by my left. I think I've painted a picture obvious enough to say that it was a big day for me.

He then continued, somewhere along these lines, "it's ok to let go and take risks sometimes."

I felt a lump rise in my throat, and felt something shifted inside me. I think he hit a raw spot when he said that. It was really spot on.

I know we all make mistakes, but I guess sometimes I tend to think things through a little deeper than I should. I'll have to admit, after going through certain things in the past, I am definitely the kind of girl that is once bitten, twice shy. It definitely doesn't help when I think a lot as well. But I've definitely taken my share of risk. I have indeed thought things through and through, but I did stepped out. I told myself never to play with fire but I did, and I made a choice which brings me to where I am now. And I'm glad to say that I don't regret the choices I make. I never regret it.

I guess when big boss said that to me, it mattered so much because I knew it spoke to me; it just touched me deeply because I knew it doesn't just reflect my work. It's more than that. It's about me and the way I view life. I admit that every time I say I will let go, I still hold on to the reigns a tiny bit. I've said more than once that I want to let go and let God, but God would know I never did give Him full control.

A few days after that conversation with my boss, a friend told me the same thing. "There's only so much you can control, and you'll need to leave the rest." It wasn't something new, but it did reinforced the thoughts in my head.

I'll start slow. So I'm still holding on, but I've come to learn that I'll never let go fully; we all can't no matter how much we claim to be able to do so. But I'll do it, slowly. At the end of the day, I need to remind myself that it's my best I'm giving, and if I walk, I walk giving my all.

For the record, my performance evaluation went well, thank God :) Now I'm praying for a good raise. hehe. Crossing my fingers! :)

On another note, it's 3.28am. I'm at page 1 of my proposal. On a weekend.

Can die.

How i loathe working on weekends. :(

Coming to terms.

2010-03-28T19:29:00.002+08:00

> Coming To Terms.

A couple of days ago I revisited a place where I used to hang out there quite often. It was amidst long hours of break, textbooks and the occasional club nights and poolside rendezvous, that this pad for college students - my college friends and I - became our hangout place for a bit.

I could still remember the surprised birthdays, overnights, heartfelt talks, drunk nights , rehearsals for SPA performances, and that one kiss hidden in the shadows. I could remember the overcrowded lifts, most often smelly and scary, and the nook and crannies where the building leaked and janitors leaving pails on the floor. Sure, it was dirty, but it was us, for that few college years.

A few years ago, fresh-faced and maybe not so innocent, that was us.

I dropped by Andrea's unit a few nights ago, and I remembered all these just like it was yesterday. I smiled when she ranted about lecturers and classes, and surprised even myself when I told her not to keep assignments to the last minute. Me? Queen of the Eleventh Hour, the person who is always pulling an all-nighter. I still do it even now, but it sure surprised me hearing myself say that. Oh, how I miss my college days. :) I thought I knew where I was going; sometimes I felt so sure.

Now? I've learnt. :) Something's been shifting inside me lately. I feel like I've lost my footing in these recent weeks. You know that feeling? You're standing, but might be stumbling. Like, I'm not sure about so many things anymore, yet, some things are just standing out there waiting for me to just open my eyes and realized it's there. Some people call it in denial. I would, naively, call it hoping.

Digressed again. It was a good night, anyhow, to be back at the old place. And the perfect company. :) Andrea, like I always say, was more than an intern; she was a friend and a confidante. I may just be in the working world for less than a year, but I've met some... umm.. 'interesting' interns. But you, Andrea, are a gem. :)

Study hard, college girl. Party harder. Trust me, you'll miss your college days the minute you step out of it. ;)

"and when you can... do watch over me"

2010-02-21T17:02:00.010+08:00

> "And when you can... do watch over me."

Ever since I started working, I try to make it a point not to turn on my laptop during the weekend. Turning it on and going online, even if it wasn't for work purposes, usually resulted in me sitting in front of the laptop for hours. Considering the long hours I was already spending in front of the PC during the weekdays, I find it a waste of time having to spend my precious weekend in front of the laptop again.

When you start working, your weekends become really, really precious. Today calls for an exception though, as I have quite a few personal emails I've been looking forward to read. How I love long emails and updates :)

March marks my 6th month working as a PR executive in Fleishman-Hillard. It's my pleasure to be in FH - I have a great boss, my immediate boss, Jonathan is a great mentor, and my colleagues are fun people to be with. That said, sometimes I do struggle a little as I go through this new phase of self-discovery journey - trying to find my niche and my passion in terms of career. But God has been good. Sometimes work can be mentally exhausting, and to top it up with other worries and whatnots, but in the end I'm really grateful for what I have now.

It's been a whirlwind of work, ministry, family and loved ones, soul-searching, and more searching. Lately I find myself thinking so much about my future. It's hard not to, you know? Turning 23 soon, I have so much ahead of me. Most importantly, new opportunities. I realised some seasons have passed me by - some dreams will die, some will find its way deep inside you and albeit tugging at your heartstrings sometimes, you know it's probably not meant to be. I anticipate though, some newfound dreams - slowly being crafted as I talk to friends and family about it. The best part is? Sharing these bits and pieces of dreams showed me people who are constantly supporting me. :)

Anyways, this is quite a feeble attempt to have a proper update. For memories' sake, shall leave some pictures :)

"...we always forget to take pictures when we meet up!"
True, true. :) But Matt's right, always the same angles ;)

our deworming session ;)

"Zhang Lao Shi zao an!"

I was a substitute teacher one Saturday in Yuk Chai, my ex-primary school in Taman Megah. It was one heck of a great and fun experience. Teaching has been something I've always enjoyed doing, and when a friend asked me to replaced him, I jumped at the opportunity. One day was enough to show me teaching is definitely not easy, but enough to show me where one of my stronger passion lies. :)

On her 21st birthday, Rosanne left for Miami for Work & Travel programme in the States. Proud of her because I know she's gonna prove many people wrong - Miss Petite so can handle big tasks! :) Can't wait for you to come back in May - you coming back shall be my birthday present! :)

FH at the 2009 Malaysian PR Awards, after bagging Best Use of Digital. A very humbling and fulfilling experience.

CNY open house at boss' place. Am amused by the various facial expressions everytime you get boys to be in pictures =p

Whereas the girls will just smile and look pretty =p

With Fazlynn - a great colleague and friend.

The lion and the duck... simple reminders.
simple reminders of us :)

Christmas 2009 - we were all given clues and a compass to hunt for our gifts, literally! Fun! Gotta give credit to my dad - he liven things up!

Christmas in FH - the overflowing gifts under the super tiny tree. What a sight :)

And last, but definitely not least... a picture of a beautiful surprise.
You make me happy :)

thank u.. i love u :)

"... We're young, we're fine. Let's do some damage."
- Brooke, One Tree Hill -

I have just one question...

2010-02-01T01:27:00.000+08:00

> I have just one question...

... why not, when it comes to me?

to simplify... and live.

2010-01-03T22:32:00.005+08:00

> to simplify... and live.

Sometime along last year amidst an exchange of heartfelt emails, a dear friend told me, "...give more than you can offer and ask for less than what you can bargain...at least when you shut your eyes at night, you know that you have gave with what you have..." I kept it in my head and heart, not really grasping it at first, but as the year dwindled to an end, I knew where she was coming from.

2009, in all honestly, wasn't my greatest year, but it definitely was a year that held a few of my most significant milestones in my life thus far. Standing at the peak of Mount Kinabalu with a dear friend, officially starting the workforce, enjoying the presence of someone that means the world to me, getting my first car, being part of the team that won Best Use of Digital in the Malaysia's PR Awards 2009... plenty of "growing up" milestones to remind me how old I'm getting (=P); plenty of toughening up, and most importantly, plenty of God's grace during shitty days.

I thank God for every highs and lows; I really do. It has been a challenging year, and I can see where my friend is coming from now. Sometimes I wear my heart on my sleeve a little too often, and that's probably not a good thing; in return, I put on a heart of steel because I don't want to get hurt. I started holding back, and in the grand scheme of things, maybe I did have some expectations over the past year. I'm still learning, and looking back, I knew I did give my best, though I'm sorry if my best may not be your best. I'm sorry if anyone has ever felt like they gave me too much, offered too much, bothered too much, and I hope I did not take it for granted. I'm sorry if I did. I've learned now, it's true... it's more important to give more than what I can offer, and probably don't even ask for anything even if I have what it takes to bargain. I'm sorry if I was not a better friend, daughter, girlfriend, or whoever I am in your life. This is so not a suicide note ok, haha. :) It's just.. I guess tonight calls for me to say it sincerely. :)

It's a new year, I'll like to look forward to greater things ahead. I know it's not gonna be easy, but I'm gonna try just this...

... to keep my expectations low, my hopes high, my glass full, give the best I can give and ever be, and to simplify...

... and live.

Proper updates will come soon, in the mean time, have a blessed and inspiring 2010, you. :)

sweet whisper

2009-11-30T02:20:00.006+08:00

> sweet whisper

If I can sum up these few weeks into one word, it'll definitely be 'goodbyes'. I said goodbye to a few people, and a few things that are short-lived. But I won't dwell much into the poignant goodbyes - I want my sleep, and I don't want to be staying up all night.

So here's to a picture entry and less words.

Carrot twin towers, courtesy of Matt :)

Rangers had a BBQ, and I was asked to prepare a salad. This is really embarrassing but yeah.. I'm quite a noob with making a salad. I seldom eat salad too. So I got professional help. =P

a gift from the Super Intern / Asst Account Exec
I said I wanted a green plant for my table because my eyes were hurting quite badly. She got everyone gifts on her last day and this is what I got from her :)

I don't quite recall why I'm holding her hand =P But anyway, this is Zheng Hwuang, who initially planned to intern at FH for only 3 months, but ended up staying for almost 11 months. She is my prayer partner, encourager, listener, and a great great friend. Definitely made her presence felt during her stint here and I'm really sad to see her leave, although she's leaving for better things to come.

All the best, Zheng Hwuang :)

just so you know, it's not just 'another breakfast'. you know it means alot to me.
(and one of the reasons why I fell for u - you being just so sweet)

In conjunction with Wear Love On Her Arm Day

One of the three of the reasons why I love my work place and colleagues. And it starts with F, A and Z respectively.
Coincidentally, also spells out Faz (left) :)

Self-timer attempts but got interfered =P

I can't help it hehe. camwhoring during the Maxis-Astro Dimensions Launch
i miss my hair. i don't like my short fringe now :(

Andrea and I during the Dimensions Launch.

That event was crazy. It went well, despite some crazy moments. But the team wouldn't have been able to do it with the extra help from fellow colleagues.

Andrea was there to just stop me from panicking at certain times, which was a good thing for me. Another intern that is not just 'another intern' - you're definitely more than that, girlfriend :)

It was quite a few crazy weeks. But really, God is good. :)

* * * * *

"Every day and every night

I keep searching deep inside

Of my heart that’s been so blind

To the world coz I can’t find

The courage to show that I love you so

Don’t know if I’ll ever get to let you know

Trying to keep it inside and hope it’ll ease the pain

But your voice keeps coming back to me again

A sweet whisper in my ear you say

“don’t let me go coz I’m here to stay

How are you gonna live if you don’t try

How are you gonna love if you don’t try…. If u dun try”

Days with you from the start

Distant memories in my heart

All the moments shared as friends

I can’t bear to see them end

I keep holding on to a hope I fight

Don’t know if I’ll ever free myself tonight

Keep hoping that you’d be here by my side

Coz I hear your voice everyday inside..."

-Kenneth Ho, Sweet Whisper-

Thanks Kenneth. :)

a very different morning

2009-11-26T09:59:00.006+08:00

> a very different morning

I'm glad today is the last weekday of the week, since tomorrow is a public holiday. The first two days of this week have been pretty intense, with a new proposal pitch done, reports and whatnots. It's been productive, but I'm so glad I can have the weekend a day earlier :) A barbeque party, dinner with old friends and some time with loved ones would make it perfect.

Knowing that I'm a fan of Tony Parsons' work, Su Ching wrote me an email asking if I have several books of his she could use for a literature project, to which the email then resulted in a long-distance phone call which I believe I unconsciously needed it. You know, the kinda call that you weren't thinking about, but when it came you know it played a huge role as a pick-me-up. It wasn't a very long call, maybe 30 minutes..? But from the "what literature project are you doing? I thought you're a medical student!" all the way to the end of the conversation, "I'm glad we had this; it made my week", I was just so close to gulping down tears. And probably reaching out into the imaginary phone line and virtually teleport her right here in my office.

I wish. =/

But I'm glad the call happened. Despite feeling like a total sap now... hmm. I need a hug. =P

Anyway, coincidentally I just bought Tony Parsons' 'The Family Way' last week. 'Starting Over' sounds like another good book, which I am adamant to get it soon. His books are really refreshing; maybe because he writes with such raw honesty of a man's way of thoughts. Uncomplicated, honest, yet so deep. It's especially nice to read how a man view the L word.

[edited:]
ok, maybe it's still complicated, regardless men or women. but i guess men think in a more straightforward way..? hmm.

"...and i knew it wasnt the wedding band that made her my wife, or the certificate they gave us in that sacred little place, or even the promises we had made. it was the fact that she was on my side, that her love and support were there for me and would always be there."

* * * *

"...it was suddenly alive in my head, the thought that was the very beginning of betrayal, the most dangerous thought that a married man could ever have.

she is out there. she exists.

i just haven't met her yet."

- Tony Parsons, 'Man & Wife'-

p/s: i cant wait to spend the weekend with you :)

perfect imperfection

2009-11-24T04:20:00.004+08:00

> perfect imperfection

"... a clean, simple slate.."

:)

i will try my best, i promise. :*

too exhausting.

2009-11-06T02:39:00.001+08:00

> too exhausting.

This week has been insane. Mentally, especially.

It's tiring having to deal with extreme sides of things.

It's tiring to need to act like it doesn't matter; to smile and put on that whole nonchalant facade when I really, really care.

It's tiring to give a warm smile only to get a cold stare in return.

It's tiring to work so hard and be hopeful, but sometimes even hope don't get you anywhere.

It's tiring to pretend I don't know, when I know. When black or white lies don't matter - they're still lies anyways.

It's tiring to find out things that people do to you behind your back. People you call friends. Or loved ones. Either way it doesn't matter, damage's done.

5 days. Tired is such an understatement. I wish I can call it drama - at least you know deep down it's not so bad. But when it reflects reality... then what?

Don't try to figure out or guess what I'm going through. Or pretend to care.

At the end of the day, we all move on. I know I will. It's when I start to stop caring.

Surprising thing is... tonight, I realised I start to stop caring. Even if it's just a little bit.

Stripping all duties and just being me

2009-11-01T00:13:00.011+08:00

> Stripping all duties and just being me

Waking up early and having breakfasts together albeit on a Saturday morning.

Hiding under comforters watching series on a rainy night.

Recipe to a perfect weekend :)

p/s: OTH Episode 7 is just so thought-provoking.

Dan: Do you love him?

Blair: *silence*

Dan: Wow, someone loves Chuck Bass.

Blair: I don’t know... I just... I don’t understand how I got to this place.

Dan: You know the first time I told Serena I loved her, it was terrifying. I’ve never felt so exposed. But the feeling that I got when she said it back to me... it was probably the single greatest moment in my life.

Blair: But.. you broke up.

Dan: Yeah, but doesn’t mean I won't do it all over again.

Blair: If I say it, he wins. And if he wins, then I’ll just be another girl to him.

Dan: You dunno if that's true. You have to decide whats most important to you. Keeping your pride and getting nothing, or taking a risk, and maybe, maybe, having everything.

-Gossip Girl, Season 2-

* * *

Julian: You OK?

Brooke: No. I need to know that you feel the same way that I do; that you can see yourself doing this with me forever because if not... what am i doing? What.. what are we doing? Who are we?

Julian: We’re us, Brooke. You're the girl I love with all my heart and I'm the boy who’s gonna be with you forever. We don't have to rush into anything. Forever is a very long time.

Clay, to Sarah's ghost: Its not fair. We’re supposed to have more time.

Sarah: You still do. I don't want you to be alone, honey. You like her - Quinn. Why’d you sent her away?

Clay: I don't wanna lose us.

Sarah: You can't raise who we were, or what we had. No one can. We burnt so bright together. You wont lose that.

Clay: I loved you so much, Sarah.

Sarah: You were perfect with me, and you always will be. But now it's time to let go. It's ok, honey. I love you.

* * *

Oh, and I got these two emails one morning at work.

The first one was a heartfelt letter saying hi and that she misses our friendship. Reading it brought back a rush of nostalgia; and I do miss the friendship. I know I have yet to reply, but part of me procrastinated because I don't know how to tell her what is going on at the moment. I may be a very private person when it comes to certain things, but this friend was there 2 years ago when I was down in the pits. I know she'll understand, but this time, I need more time.

I hope you got my e-card. I do miss you, too. A lot.

The second one was a simple "here's a little something for you :)" with tons of pretty pictures, and it made my day. Maybe I'm easily pleased, but it's the sender that matters :)

Hey esther,

Here's a little something for you :)

Love,
Swee Ling

never give up on your dreams, baby. live it. i have faith in you. :)

you really do. :)

i guess this is probably for me. =P since im the worry-wart.

=)

our theme song! haha :)

i'm going to be my baby's baby and this is my plan...

i love this quote.

so true...

i just want to be happy... and i want you to be, too. :*

*sigh* aww. :)

that's why i know, i AM rich :)

life is beautiful... with you :)

because there's still tomorrow

2009-10-28T00:45:00.002+08:00

> because there's still tomorrow

I love writing, I really do. But at this moment... damn, I'll rather be sleeping or watching my series than write these speeches for CMOs'.
Pay Day is my favourite day of the month! :) My reward this month shall be The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch - been wanting to read the book. (or if anyone has it, can I borrow it please? Then I can reward myself with something else!)
My views on things have changed so much within the past few weeks. Good or bad, I can't decide, but I know there's always a reason
I'm really growing to like Fleishman-Hillard. Oh, and I have a nice boss :)
Sometimes I wish I'm not such a curious girl. Ignorance is really bliss.
I'll love to try couchsurfing one day. One day. It will happen.
I like reading Daily Bread in the train to work - it's nice to start the day with God. :)
I'll like to think I'm a strong girl. I hope I still am.
And because you said, there's still tomorrow. And tomorrow will always be a better, stronger day.
and because I believe.

More to come.

2009-10-20T00:27:00.003+08:00

> More to come.

An old picture,
for a day in October.
Of proud, discreet smiles
behind monitors and bounded files.

I'm waiting for that extra copy of keys
And then it's time to celebrate... :)

I'm so proud of you. :)

i wish u all the very best in life :*

Ignorance

2009-10-11T23:31:00.006+08:00

> Ignorance

.

I remember ushering in 2009. Happy. Optimistic. Hopeful. In love.

It's not like it's been a bad year; it's been exciting, exhausting, fulfilling and memorable all rolled into one. But as always, a new year is being ushered in with so much fanfare and excitement that when the pages of the calendar flip by in a blur of motions, sometimes you're left tired and jaded faster than you thought you would.

I'm so afraid of getting tired. Of waiting.

It's already scrapping the middle of October, soon it'll be November and there you go, 2009 gone by in another 60 days. Then what? Go through the whole cycle again? Then what if I'm still where I am? I hate to admit it, but I've been waiting and waiting, and on days where it seemed like I'm going somewhere, reality can be a bitch. I'm then thrust into a whole debacle of questioning myself and circumstances and... well, simply put it, it makes me sad and guilty of doubting what is sometimes the best thing in my life.

Feels like the more I strip off the crisp, thin layers of myself to the people I choose to show my vulnerable side to, the layers of mask I show to the world thickens. The real self obscure from the world...

I know I'm not making sense. Ugh.

Long story short, I'm letting go. Tonight, I'll let God take the wheel. I won't think so far ahead anymore. One day at a time, one moment at a time.

Good night, world. Have a great week ahead.

2009-09-29T09:42:00.002+08:00

> little encouragements :)

"It was 40 years ago or more that I observed a friend of mine showing great affection for someone I considered unworthy of love. I thought my friend was being taken in, and I was afraid he would be disillusioned and saddened in the end.

When I expressed my concern, he replied, "When I stand before my Lord, I hope He'll say of me that I've loved too many, rather than too few." I've never forgotten his words.

Paul insists that "love believes all things" (1 Cor. 13:7). Love "believes" in people. It can see the potential in them. It believes that God can take the most unattractive and unworthy individual and turn that person into a masterpiece of beauty and grace. If love errs, it must err in the way of trustfulness and hopefulness.

Certainly, we must be aware of danger when we see it coming, and become "as wise as serpents" (Matt. 10:16). Tough love may be the best response to irresponsible and foolish people, but we can be too guarded, too wary and distrustful.

It doesn't do us any real harm to be hoodwinked and defrauded (Matt. 5:38-48). It's better to believe in someone and have your heart broken than to have no heart at all. British poet Alfred Tennyson wrote, " 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I agree. "

by David Roper. "Our Daily Bread"

* * * * * * *

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies."
-Zen Today, Mother Theresa

* * * * * * *

Sometimes we forget... prayer works.

Shredding Paper Hearts

2009-09-20T01:53:00.007+08:00

> Shredding Paper Hearts

She ran into the house and threw herself on the couch, shoulders heaving as she let the tears flow uncontrolled. Kenny stumbled in after her, his eyes stopping short when he saw her crying. "Maine, it's... it's not like that. Please, look at me..." He reached out to touch her but she whirled around suddenly.

"Ken, I trusted you. And of all people who would ever cheat on me, you would be the last person on earth I could think of. How could yo-"

"I love you. I love you, Maine."

It was the first time he said it. He looked up and held her gaze as Maine's eyes bore into his. There was a myriad of emotions swirling in her eyes, but he could read them all. Fear. Hurt. Sadness. But most importantly, he saw hope. He saw it glint in her eyes, and he tried his best to hold on to it, even if it was just a small glimmer of it. But her words that came out next did not match the hope he saw in her eyes.

"You don't know what you're saying, Kenny. When a person actually does something to hurt the person he loves, that's not love. You just know it. You can't call this love, Kenny. Hurting me just shows that you don't love me as much as you think you do." She closed her eyes, letting a tear trickle down her cheeks, and he had to fight the urge to reach out to wipe it away. To wipe the hurt away. If only she could find it in her heart to forgive him.

"Please, Maine..." He could see her biting her lips, holding the tears in. "Please don't cry, Maine. I'm sorry..." he pleaded, tears stinging his own eyes. "I wished with all my heart, Kenny, that I never opened up to you; to let you in my life. People always say, it's better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all, but if loving you hurts this much, I'd gladly let it go. I've been dreaming of the day you utter those three words to me, but I wish it'd been said differently. I wish you really did love me, with all your heart. Because you can say all you want now, but a part of your heart will never be mine... and I want all of it..."

-An excerpt from "Shredding Paper Hearts", by A.-

* * * * * * *

Proofreading a 15-year-old's short story entry is so not the thing to do in the middle of the night. Too much drama to handle. But I don't know why, albeit her simple words and sentences... something struck a chord with me. I've never been in that situation before thankfully, but I find a certain degree of truth in a 15-yo's words.

Opening up to a person is a dangerous affair. Love itself, is a dangerous affair. There's a saying that goes something like, "love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to". Don't know who came up with that, but it's so damn true.

* * * * * * * *

I wouldn't describe mission trip as an eye-opening experience because it's not my first time going for a mission trip at an Orang Asli village. But that said, I went there expecting a change of heart - not so much of the people there, but mine.

In all honesty, my enthusiasm slowly fizzled out somewhere along the way. I wanted to go for missions badly, but as the days drew nearer... something was missing. I didn't know what it was, but I knew I was parched. I was gently reminded that it's a good time to go and let God intervene.

I took a liking to this little boy the minute I saw him. You can't really tell much from this picture, but he has light brown hair and eyes, and we all thought he was of mixed parentage. Little did we know he was actually malnourished, hence the lightness in his hair and eyes :(

Simple moments :)

This is Renee, Rosanne's younger sister :) We share the same birthdays, and I really do like hanging out with her. Her passion for kids is contagious, and despite her age, she is a great leader with a humble heart. We're never close to begin with, but she's a great friend.

This was a special day to me, simply because I left work early to buka puasa with the girls. It felt good to sit around talking about the past, present and future. I remembered sitting with them at the table and thinking to myself, when it come to friends like them, quality definitely matters more than quantity.

A bit late, but still... congratulations, Cyrus and Miranda! And thanks for bringing us together on this journey. ;) At least we were your mortar boards in UniSA. :)

dîner de lumière de chandelle. moment parfait.
:)

<3

a matter of perspective

2009-09-12T10:03:00.004+08:00

> little ones that go a long way

overslept a tad and had to rush in the morning
waking up with a slight sore throat
misplacing RM50, and possibly losing it since it's nowhere to be found
a looong to-do list for the day
having a slight fever that stretched to a headache
meeting diva-ish people that annoyed the crap out of me
missing the bus by just minutes and having to wait 30 mins for the next one

leaving work early
dinner in bed, chilling and reading a novel
dozing off early
knowing that I get to spend the whole day tomorrow with you

Sometimes when you weigh your good and bad moments of the day, you know it's not quantifiable when the maths don't add up. It boils down to a matter of perspective. Your matter of perspective.

I had a great Friday. :) A great week, actually. And it's gonna be a great weekend! :)

"As only the New Yorkers would know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night."

- Dorothy Parker, Zen Today -

chasing the last bus home

2009-09-04T05:19:00.008+08:00

> chasing the last bus home

"Chase down your passion like it's the last bus of the night."
- Glade Byron Addams-

It can get really annoying when everyone is asleep, and I just can't doze off. It's been a while since I spent a long time tossing and turning - I usually fall into slumber once my head hits the pillow. But lately...

=/

It's been great to have 2 weeks of break before I start work permanently at Fleishman-Hillard. I'll have to be honest to say that I didn't get to enjoy it to the fullest, with plenty of things going on in my head and things to do, but a break is still a break. I have 3 more days before Monday, and I'll be heading to Orang Asli villages with the RR leaders for a short mission trip before work starts. Was quite apprehensive but yeah, maybe this trip can be for myself, and some time to spend with God.

2 months of internship didn't exactly prep me up fully for work. A huge part of me still wish I can have a longer break to travel, spend some time doing the things I like... like waking up noon and bumming around. ;) Maybe then I would be prepared to start work. Haha but I guess that's wishful thinking. I do feel grateful to be able to land a job but if I'm entirely honest with myself, a little time of globetrotting would be awesome! But then again, no work no money, no? So starting work immediately isn't entirely a bad thing, yes?

See, that's the kind of constant 'debate' going on in my head lately, and it's not just with work-related issues. I seriously need to stop overanalyzing every freakin' thing. Su Ching's right, I make my own life complicated. =P

This trip should be good, I need to get away.

Okay, this entire entry just seems like a filler entry. I think I'm rambling and hiding what I really felt like ranting behind this whole placate of words.

* * * * * *

Plane spotting with MAS.
Rare opportunity to be able to take shots of planes taking off - perks from work that keep the mundane days away.

Adrian, Jon and I, on Salina's shades.
Courtesy of Adrian.

Meenal was my first friend in FH, to simply put it. :)
She's now back in the US, continuing her final year at Purdue University. I miss her tremendously; I miss our intern days and her support and listening ear and... everything about her.

Launch of TIS street paper.
Getting lost in KL. Again.

BMW Shorties Gala Premiere 09.
I like how events like these bring everyone a tad closer.
And makes me miss the photowall days with Sarah.

And last but not least, just so you know, I am so, so proud of you.
Continue to show the world who you are, your talents, your personality, your love and big heart, because it is from these things about you and so much more, that has blessed me so much.

I love you.

I'm Not ready Yet.

2009-07-30T14:04:00.003+08:00

> I'm Not Ready Yet.

Photography by Miranda, entitled, I'm Not Ready Yet.

It's never gonna be easy.

:(

"...let me be untainted in this tainted world.."

2009-07-25T22:28:00.010+08:00

> "...let me be untainted, in this tainted world..."

Slow down, you crazy child

You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart, tell me

Why are you still so afraid?

#1 Believe... I do believe in myself.
But on days when I don't, you guys stepped in to remind me.
Thank you, Cyrus & Miranda.

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about

You'd better cool it off before you burn it out

You've got so much to do

And only so many hours in a day

#2 Pick-me-ups after work - I look forward to these after a long day.

But you know that when the truth is told

That you can get what you want or you can just get old

You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

When will you realise, Vienna waits for you?

#3 We all know throwing in some fun
during work can do wonders :)

Slow down, you're doing fine

You can't be everything you wanna be before your time

Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight... tonight

Too bad but it's the life you lead

#4 Malaysia Airlines postcards :)
Designing postcards for MAS Facebook page was a fun experience.

You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need

Though you can see when you're wrong, you know

You can't always see when you're right, you're right

#5 I could get used to waking up to this.
Secret motivations for the future :)

You've got your passion, you've got your pride

But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?

Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true

When will you realise, Vienna waits for you?

#6 Quotes from Zen Today - something to look
forward to amidst the routines

Slow down, you crazy child

And take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while

It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two

When will you realise, Vienna waits for you?

#7 I may never be able to cook as well as you,
but you've taught me that cooking isn't so bad

dont mind cooking everyday for u :)

And you know that when the truth is told

That you can get what you want, or you can just get old

You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

Why don't you realise, Vienna waits for you?

When will you realise, Vienna waits for you?

-Billy Joel, Vienna Waits For You-

I've had many learning opportunities coming my way these few weeks. Some, I embraced it reluctantly; not ready to be thrown in the face with 'things I'm not ready to deal with', some I gladly faced it. But that's the thing with learning opportunities - you don't deal with it, you won't learn.

I'm starting to get a hang of things, and learning to put everything into a routine that prioritise the important people and things in my life. Work can really suck up alot of your time, but at the same time it taught me that routines can be a good thing if you learn to take control of it. I'm never good with routines; I'm wild at heart, and often restless. But I can see differences in the way I view things. I hope that's a good thing.

I look forward to another week, of starting my day with prayers in the train. Of learning to commit things to God. After-work pleasures although it's short, and I often fall asleep talking to you. Days of leaving office early and not needing to rush. MSN chats and trying to keep a straight face from funny conversations. And when things don't go my way, I want to learn to take it all in stride.

And believe. Believe that although life is not all dandy and sweet, it will work out. At least I'll try to smile. =)

Oh you just got to be happy
But sometimes thats hard
So just remember to smile, smile, smile
And thats a good enough start

-McFly, Smile -

before insanity strikes

2009-07-03T16:43:00.007+08:00

> before insanity strikes

2 weeks of break went by in a jiffy! Granted, time flies when you're having fun, but it felt like the shortest break ever! Managed to squeeze in a few days of shopping at Bangkok and a few catch ups - it wasn't enough but I guess it'll do for such a short time.

#1 "it's like coming back to my comfort zone.."

We're growing up, girlie. The things we talk about still revolve around babyfaces and ashers, but our feelings towards them have matured over the years.

#2 Childhood friends

#3 Khao San Road

This time around, I made sure we got to spend some time at Khao San Road. It's said to be full of backpackers' places, bars and pubs and a hip place for the youths. So I just had to see how it was.

#4 As the world go by...

Plenty of things to buy at Khao San Road.

#5 Fried insects

I only tried fried cicadas and crickets once, a long time ago. I don't think I can ever bring myself to try spiders.

#6 "Beer fucking good"
Saw beer signs at every corner of the place, and people drinking away at bars and pubs.

#7 I have a thing for ducks ;)

*your duckie*

#8 Million Year Old Stone Park, Pattaya

Spent a night at Pattaya and checked out the stone / animal park. Entrance fee was slightly pricey considering it wasn't all that great, but if you're a fan of doing tourist-ish stuff and animals, here's the place you can check out.

#9 Pattaya's famous Walking Street

#10

Read so much about Walking Street as the place to find some sex and all things kinky... and we saw it for ourselves. Men, women and in-betweens, sexy girls and brightly coloured neon signs of Go Go bars and strip clubs lit up Walking Street.

#11 Random posers

Struck a pose as soon as they saw my camera. I was actualy aiming for the car, but oh well, don't mind some pretty boys. =P

#12 Jomtien Beach

We stayed just opposite Jomtien Beach, further down Pattaya Beach. It's cleaner and quieter at Jomtien, though nightlife is comparably dead.

#13 Vintage postcards sold at Chatuchak Market

Shopping was pretty much the sole reason for this trip, so Chatuchak was definitely a must, especially when we missed it the last time we were in Bangkok.

#14 going around in tuk-tuks

If you're lucky, you'll get tuk-tuks as cheap as 10bht for quite a distance too. Imagine going from Khao San to Chatuchak for 10bht. It's like 15.3km for RM1. I checked Google Map. Heh.

* * * * * * *

It's back to busy days again. I'll have to say taking things in a positive light is important, and have been really helpful. Things are going pretty good so far, that's all I can say for a short update I'm squeezing in here. In a nutshell? God is good, and I'm seeing it in my everyday life. One main thing I need to work on though, is to get more sleep! Being used to late nights is so not good when you have work the next day.

A few gentle and sweet reminders came to me this week in the form of tangible items. A bottled vanilla flavoured Starbucks frap early this week for instance: having someone to share life's little pleasures is beautiful :)

I'm looking forward to many things... some will no doubt be challenging, others are fueled by passion. Either way, I'm learning to take it in stride. Let's see how the new week goes!

before things get crazy, i'll learn not just to take it all in stride, i'll remember our promise. it keeps me going. :* oh and insanity strikes is a good idea ;)

Falling in love with new places

2009-06-19T21:43:00.011+08:00

> Falling in love with new places

I turned 22 in a pretty interesting way, if that's the best adjective I can use to describe my birthday. Memorable and interesting. :) My first autumn in Melbourne was memorable enough, but the whole family getting lost at midnight in Melbourne was something that don't happen often. =P

We touched down right at midnight Australia time, on my birthday itself, with a call from Cyrus and Miranda telling me they were the first to wish me since it was still 10pm in Malaysia. :) We got into the rented car all excited to head over to Uncle Mike's, a family friend's place, only to realise the GPS wasn't working! So we did our best, trying to navigate our way and after panicking and making umpteenth U-turns.... my brother the tech whiz finally figured out that the GPS wasn't set to Melbourne's map. -__-!! Jeez. So yeah. Oh, despite panicking on the road, they still managed to stop by a patrol kiosk and got me Krispy Kreme. Aww. ;)

I love this trip for many reasons - it being a family trip, and our first overseas road trip, since we actually travelled the south of Victoria state and not just Melbourne alone, and of course, spending my birthday away from home for the first time. I loved the family revelry, the jokes, being squashed at the backseat with my siblings but unlike when we were younger, there were no more squabbles and "it's my turn to sit at the side! Move!" :)

Melbourne > Dandenong > Philip Island > Mornington Peninsula > ferry via Sorrento-Queenscliff > Torquay > Apollo Bay > Great Ocean Road > Melbourne

Prior to the trip, my parents and I spent hours researching on the trip, accommodations, places of highlights and I even asked for opinions on our itinerary on the TripAdvisor forum. So after much refining on our itinerary, I'm glad we managed to cover quite some places. Driving 1,465km in 5 days really was something, thanks to my dad.

Pictures galore! :)

#1 Colours of Autumn

#2 Small town of Sassafras, at the Dandenong Ranges

Had plenty of little cute shops selling knick-knacks and stuff. The view was amazing. We made our way to the highest point, Sky High, and you could see Melbourne city from there.

#3 Mr. Teo and Ms. Teo

#4 Sherbrooke Forest

#5 Cute mushrooms!

#6 View of San Remo, just before reaching Philip Island

#7 Penguine Parade, Philip Island

This was taken from the huge poster - I cheated =) We weren't allowed to use the camera, which was too bad because the penguines were soooo cute!

#8 Shoreham Beach

The GPS device was really handy. We stumbled upon many places we didn't know - like the Shoreham Beach, for the surfers. And of course, sea gulls. Really pretty view, too.

#9 This is the closest I can get

#10 Mornington Peninsula National Park

#11 Driving along the Great Ocean Road

Driving along the GOR was challenging, according to my dad. But he said it was worth it. :) I loved going by the small coastal towns like Torquay, Apollo Bay, Lorne, and it was such a scenic drive. We stopped pretty often for pictures - you just can't resist it.

#12 More of GOR

#13 Long stretches of farmland and farm animals

I'm not biased, but I think the cows are cuter ;P See, the tuft of hair on their heads! And sheeps being cheeky LOL

#14 "Dad, take a jumping shot for me please"

(at the Sorrento-Queenscliff jetty, waiting for the ferry)

#15 "Ohh. For me too. ARGHHHHH!"

Haha my dad's so cute. =P His monkey pose. With sound effect. heh.

#16 The jetty

#17 I fell in love with the town of Queenscliff!

Every shop is quaintly unique and different, the streets were picturesque lanes of old style towns... it was really pretty.

#18 A random ice cream parlour

#19 Surfside Backpackers, Apollo Bay

It was the first time my family stayed at a backpackers' place. I think my dad loved it the most - he was happily chatting with the backpackers half his age whilst cooking dinner. I'm glad he did, so he probably can stop worrying so much when I stay at backpackers. After dinner, my parents and I took a night stroll around the quiet town, and it made me happy to be sharing it with them. :) Dad also suggested quite suddenly that he'll like to go backpacking too, which surprised me. A pleasant surprise :)

#20 The kitchen.

It was small but really 'homey'. The best thing I like about the backpackers' concept was sitting by the table with a whole bunch of strangers sharing stories about places you've been to. At the end of the meal, you leave as friends. :) Well, ok except dodgy places and people. =/

#21 Otway Ranges Deer and Wilderness Park

We stumbled upon this wildlife park through the GPS device and decided to take a detour and check it out. The place had a huge variety of animals, and a friendly, funny tour guide.

#22 My sister and the wallaby :)

#23 *sniff sniff scratch scratch*

#24 A timid fallow deer

#25 The Twelve Apostles, Princetown

It was a long drive to Princetown, and road trips can get really tiring. I was so happy we reached Princetown, finally! It was really a breathtakingview - my pictures, sadly, don't do justice.

#26 Beautiful :)

#27 Queen Victoria Market

So many things sold here! Saw many personalised stuff like car plates with names, but sadly the names were limited. They don't even have names like Amanda, Susan, Esther... :(

#28 Yarra River

Melbourne city is such a beautiful place to live in. I love it! I'm coming back here again someday...

#29 With the Chans', with Federation Square behind us

#30 Sunset at Docklands

Dad, as usual, with his poses -_-'' Though I have to admit it's so endearing. hehe.

#31 A candid of Evelyn :)

#32 Docklands pier

#33 Homeward bound...

Like I said, I loved this trip for many reasons, and many reasons can be seen through the visuals above and the beauty of the place. Yet, something about this trip surprised even myself. Melbourne was beautiful, but I'm glad to be home. To be home not really to the country I call home, but to some things, or people, that are worth coming back home to. :)

you give me a reason to come back home :)

Yep, interesting and memorable :)

of literary nonsense and The Last Assignment

2009-06-15T21:20:00.006+08:00

> of literary nonsense and The Last Assignment

" ...'Cheshire Puss,' Alice began... 'would you tell me, please,
which way I ought to go from here?'
.

'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.

- Lewis Carroll, 'Alice in Wonderland'

Somewhere, the threads of a fairy tale still sweeps off the spindle, and I'm Alice, in not so Wonderland. As my mind wanders along dark tunnels of a rabbit hole, my physical being struggles to keep my eyes open and my thoughts focused on my last assignment of my degree. 1 more assignment, and I can bid Taylor's College farewell. But it's a tough struggle - the mind just can't resist dwelling in literary nonsense and anything but the assignment revolving around human resources development, performance control and boring theories.

I walked past the pink, grinning Cheshire Cat, and I guess I still hold traits of my real being, even when I'm Alice at the moment - with bad sense of direction. The cat wasn't exactly helpful - because at this point, I have no idea where I want to get to.

How did the story end? I really can't remember, and my storybook was long gone. All I could derive from the story right now was the cat's reply. "...that depends a good deal on where you want to get to..." So, the cat was trying to say, focus on something and that's the direction you'll be heading to.

But sometimes, don't our visions blur, and our directions unclear? Our decisions can be swayed by major factors in our lives. After all, what you focus on determines what you miss.

I don't want to stay where I am all the time either... =/

I always, and still do, believe that God's purpose is what's important, even if I don't understand. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let God be God; let Him blow the winds of change. But... it's kinda hard to know where you want to be blown to by the winds of change when you're not ready to embrace change at the moment. But I don't want to stay stagnant either.

K, back to work. No more Alice - just Esther, with tired eyes and dishevelled hair, and looking forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow onwards till July, I can have the time to catch up with people I've been missing. :) It's short, but it's the break I'll be needing before internship.

...I'm scared. of changes and new chapters in my life, though I'm also excited by it. It's just overwhelming. But knowing you're gonna be around makes it so much easier. :)

taking a breather

2009-06-07T21:44:00.004+08:00

> taking a breather

I'm in need of a good break. Things are getting a bit too much at the moment; I feel suffocated literally.

I know, I know. When I say I need a good break, I have friends telling me, "you just went to Bali, Sabah, Melbourne and heading to Bangkok in a few weeks, all in a span of 5 months. And you still need a good break?"

Yes, I know how that sounds like, too. All those trips were enjoyable. Bali was perfect - a relaxing trip before final semester starts. Sabah was fun and fulfilling, albeit exhausting, because of scaling Mount K. Melbourne's itinerary was packed, but that's ok because I fell in love with the city. And Bangkok, well, it's for shopping (YAY!) and a road trip to Pattaya.

I define a good break, right now, as going to somewhere alone, not doing anything, literally. Maybe to a beach... just lie in the sun and be a beach bum. And when it gets too hot, like it does lately, I'll just stay indoors and read a book. Eat anytime I want, do anything I like. Spending time alone and being away from it all. I get raised eyebrows when I say I want a break alone; like as if it's the weirdest thing to do. But why not?

I like how Ie Tjer put it... I thought it was so true. Here's a short excerpt:

"...General consensus in this country thinks that doing things alone is "sad". Malaysians hardly eat alone. They think it's uncanny to sit in Starbucks to read a book without company. Heck, most of us can't even get to the washroom by ourselves. Our society, Asians being the most prevalent instance, are too afraid of being alone. We can't seem to differentiate "alone" from "lonely". Monophobia, scientifically speaking, is the fear and anxiety of being alone."

Totally agree with him on this. Yeap, a good break, alone, is what I really need now.

* * * * * * *

Little things that made my week :)

You make me forget about my worries. (though I worried that you wouldn't like my cooking =P)

It's my pleasure :)

Wouldn't it be nice...

2009-05-28T02:37:00.003+08:00

> Wouldn't it be nice...

I had a productive Saturday last weekend - managed to finish up the kolam with the help of the girls. The night before, dad and a friend helped me to draw up a perfectly symmetrical Royal Rangers emblem on the mat for the girls to spread the coloured coconut on Saturday. I appreciate all the help I got for this kolam. And it turned out well! =) Just need some touch-ups on the camp day and I'm hoping it'll be good to go.

Just so you know, the camp's a 4 years once Camporama. Selangor #7 is going as India; other countries are Japan, Australia and China, and all 4 'countries' are competing to be the winner, so there are loads of hype and Indian stuff in Rangers. Last week was costume day in Rangers, so plenty of sarees and punjabi suits around. I had 3 borrowed sarees with me but ended up in a punjabi suit because the sarees were too big :( Anyone has a saree my size who don't mind borrowing (or is it lending?) me? :)

thank you, girls! :)

Adjourned for dinner at Vintry's after Saturday service, which was something I was looking forward to all week. Apparently the pork ribs are really good, but pork ribs are served only in their outlet in D'sara Heights - I went to the one in Jaya33.

I rarely have food reviews but I like this place alot, and the food was definitely not a disappointment. We settled for the grilled lamb and oven-roasted chicken since no pork ribs, and both were a delight - succulent meat and marinated well.

Vintry - Experience Wine

Walls lined with wine bottles.
Vast wine selection to choose from.

* * * * * *

"...you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy
when skies are grey..."

Old songs make me smile
:)
.

* * * * * *

An interview and meeting in the middle of the week. Busy, busy, busy.

I predict June to be the busiest month of all, before the craziness of internship starts. 1 month away from graduating, there'll be final assignments to settle, Camporama, and Bangkok trip. Bangkok being the last stop, as the rest of the year sees no plans to travel at the moment because I really have no idea what happens after internship.

I'm reminded by a verse in Proverbs, 'men can make plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail'. Amen to that, let's see where things'll lead me to!

Some people are just born with it

2009-05-21T12:43:00.013+08:00

> Some people are just born with it.

Believe it or not, I've only baked cupcakes twice in my life, as far as I can remember. I'm a huge, huge fan of cupcakes, but I'm a noob in the baking section; something that I've tried learning but over the years I've come to terms with my lack of talent in that area. ;) Hence I really admire people who have such a flair in baking, especially cupcakes. I can stare at the pictures for some time, looking at the designs, flowers etc and wishing I could at least have half their creativity and talent in baking.

Let me introduce to you a cupcake blog which I've been stalking for some time, until I emailed her (so no more stalking, right? hehe) :) In actual truth, I started reading Eunice's blog a few years back from a friend's link. It wasn't her baking that caught my attention - it was her style of writing, her pictures and cute anecdotes in her previous Xanga blog that made me kept going back.
.

Then she changed her link and I started seeing loads of yummy cupcakes! It was so attractive, in all honesty, I was so tempted to order some myself. I emailed her when I was enquiring for Sha's birthday party last year and though the order didn't get through because Sha's boyfriend got the cupcakes himself, I was glad I got to know her just a biiit better - more than just a pretty girl from my church who writes well and takes awesome pictures :)

Anyway check out her site - Dolce Cupcakes. She keeps coming up with all kinds of creative designs, and sometimes I am reminded that for her age, she really is talented. She even makes ice cream, aiyo I'm so envious. Why don't I ever have the determination to try when it comes to baking? I prefer cooking than baking.

sooo cute!

got passport and luggage some more! hehe..

see another cute one, so mini!!

this is one of my favourites, because I've always loved the words.

seriously, Eunice. u have so much patience in your work! the stencil and all...

i love the fairies and the lil mushrooms! =)

ice cream cone cake! heh so cute :)

Ben 10! My mum likes it, too :)
I remember not knowing what or who is Ben 10 until my young cousin told me.

all pics courtesy of Dolce Cupcakes

I don't want this entry to sound like just another review on a food blog or business blog, for that matter, because I'm sharing this out of admiration, and yeahhh ok ok a piiinch of envy ;)

Oh, and Eunice is having a beginner's class this Saturday, 23rd May at her place. Check her blog for more details. At Rm70 I think it's very reasonable seeing that there's alot of preparation on her part and ingredients to get. I would go, I need professional help hahah, but I've to finish up the kolam for Camporama this Saturday in church, which is honestly worrying me alot because I have no experience doing a kolam!!! :(
.

Ok back to work! I'm attempting to mix food colouring with desiccated coconut for the kolam making this Saturday.

The Adventures of Supergirl & Miss Sunshine

2009-05-12T01:32:00.002+08:00

> The Adventures of Supergirl & Miss Sunshine

Last year I threw the idea of scaling Mount Kinabalu at Rosanne after hearing that my parent's cell members are going in April 09. I've got to say it was quite a whirlwind decision - I suggested, she thought for a bit, I rushed her because the promotion was gonna end, then tickets were booked and we're settled: KK in April 09. I only knew my parent's friends, I didn't know the other 2 of their friends who were coming with us. It was worse for Rosanne - she didn't know anyone but me, and she only met them on the day we were heading to the airport!

I'm glad we made it for this trip. It was after all, in all honesty, quite a pricey trip, and KK trip has became quite a motivation to the both of us in terms of working to fund for the trip (we refused to touch our savings), attempting to exercise (keyword: attempting) and of course, looking forward to getting that coloured certificate (because we just refused to settle for black & white Laban Rata certs) :)

at the foothill of Mount K

So off we went, 1 skinny girl and 1 petite girl. I always love referring to ourselves that way, because Rosanne and I, in our differences, have one similarity that's hard to overlook. We can be such overachievers at times, not in the perfectionist, A-star student way, but trying to live it out and covering as much ground as possible, eventhough people have in fact, told us we can't. We love to dream, in a nutshell, and we love to prove people wrong.

multiple shots
(l-r: Pei Hong, Esther, Jamie, Steve, Rosanne, Ps. Liik)

these 3 pics cracked me up. we told them that it's gonna be taking multiple shots, but everyone's facial expressions didn't change except Rosanne and I.
We are so syiok sendiri =P

pine trees

Our 2-room chalet at Mount Kinabalu Heritage Resort & Spa

all you need is a tripod, camera and 2 girls ready to smile at the smile-detection camera.... whilst everyone else is asleep.

that's where we're headed to!

group shot before climbing

For those who've climbed Mount K would think it's not exactly a tough journey. In my opinion it takes more of one's mental strength than physical. The first part of the climb, from the foothill to Laban Rata (6km) wasn't too bad. Tiring, but bearable. It rained though, which was sucky because it was soooo cold; right to the bones. Fun part was to meet people along the way.

"Come! Take picture with Supergirl and Sunshine!"
This japanese uncle is so cute! :) He climbed Mount Fuji before.

lots and lots of steps. it got annoying after a while.

the sight of rest huts can be such a relief :)

sights along the way

feeding our apples to the squirrels :)

this was taken when we reached Laban Rata.

I was so happy, can you tell? ;P

Oh... I broke Jon's raincoat along the way haha.

after a warm cup of tea, at Laban Rata

At Laban Rata - as high as the clouds!
the Creator's beauty :)

Sunset at Laban Rata

My first time seeing sunset above the clouds, but not on a plane haha.

Heading up to the summit at 2.30am was pretty exciting, but the air was so thin and it was so cold to one point I couldn't feel my toes at all. Sometimes we held hands walking up, but most of the time we were really just encouraging each other, and of course, taking pictures for each other. =P Our guide was really sweet because he held our hands and walked with us some parts of the descend. The descend was tough because we injured our knees and ankles. Such a torture walking down with injured legs. "1hr for 1km", haha!

several times, despite the cold, I can't help but stop to take in the beauty.

awesome travelling buddies and mentor, Uncle Steve & Aunty Jamie
and my Miss Sunshine!

Low's Peak :)

Low's Peak, while we were on our way down

Coincidentally, our trip was pretty eventful, as Rosanne quoted, "everything seems to be happening when we're here!" Laughs to that but it was true - we went to Sg. Padas for white-water rafting the next day after the descend despite aching legs, and we were supposed to take the train which runs between Beaufort and Tenom. That train, however, was under maintenance so we took a "trolley", which was basically planks nailed together with 4 wheels by the side. It was just like a raft, only it runs on the tracks. Halfway through we even had to get down because a train was coming from the opposite side of the tracks. It was really an experience :) Padas, at about level 3-4 was an adrenaline rush at certain rapids. Fun stuff!

travelling by the "trolley" to the starting point of Padas River

ironically, the warning sign was not heeded, and a collision with an oncoming train almost happened. A girl actually jumped off the trolley to avoid ramming into the train and suffered minor injuries. Ask Rosanne, she'll gladly tell you the ordeal; she was right behind that girl's trolley.

Padas River's raging rapids by the side of the tracks

making way for the old, ancient train

some meters in the old train we took on our way back

Also squeezed in Manukan Island just hours before our flight, just Rosanne and I (see, what did I say about trying to cover as much ground as possible? =P). Lying in the sand taking pictures and doing absolutely nothing... the most relaxing part of our trip :)

Coincidentally, some parade was going on by the pier - Freedom States day or something like that. People were allowed to go on rides on the Navy's boats and yatch, that sorta thing. That's a bumiputera Popeye and his foam muscles :)

Pastor Liik told us during the trip, you'll always remember the person who scaled a mountain with you. It's an unforgettable journey, and I'm glad all 6 of us had our share of fun. I learnt alot from the adults, and at the same time, this petite peer of mine taught me that perseverance pays... and of course, not training can still bring you to the peak! ;)

"...seeing the world bit by bit together..."

Flew 1621km, scaled 4095m, rafted 21km, and one of the most beautiful sunsets I've ever seen :) Looking forward for Vientianne someday with you :)

Till then, I'm off to Melbourne tomorrow for a week of road trip. Have a great week ahead!

I'll Stand By You

2009-05-11T00:53:00.003+08:00

> I'll stand by you

"...you know, I've always wanted to meet him. It was such a waste that I didnt get a chance to meet him. I've heard so much about him, but I've not met him. And, you know you are not the only one that misses him. I miss him too - I miss the chance to meet someone so incredible like him!... So, we should miss him together. =)"

from, "you"

When heartfelt emails invade quiet, late nights...

When words strung through the invisible lines of technology reaches your heart...

It's in times like these you know you were never alone to begin with - true friends know how you feel without your need to tell them.

Oh why you look so sad

The tears are in your eyes

Come on and come to me now

Don’t be ashamed to cry

Let me see you through

Cause I’ve seen the dark side too

True friends feel the loss with you sincerely without those pretentious, maudlin words; words uttered just to fill up awkward silences.

So if you're mad get mad

Don’t hold it all inside

Come on and talk to me now

Hey, what you got to hide

I get angry too

Well I’m a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads

And don't know which path to choose

Let me come along

Cause even if you're wrong

Just so you know, I thank God for you. It's when I'm reminded of my true friends simply being the epitome of who they are... being true.

I’ll stand by you

Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you

- Carrie Underwood, I'll Stand By You -

Thank you =)

p/s: Caff was still good, because the company was good ;)

bouncing back

2009-04-27T03:00:00.001+08:00

> bouncing back

Something I've always like to do - say things like, "last year around this time, I was....". I love seeing the changes in my life; especially positive changes, or to reminisce the past and think about the things I did 365 days ago. July 2007 and July 2008 for instance, I remembered telling Swee Ling whilst we were amidst the dusty, busy streets of Jakarta, "exactly last year, I was in Paris!"

It's funny how sometimes simple moments in a day can turn out to be extraordinary moments. Overwhelming moments, even. It's when words just dont't do justice to the emotions swirling in me. I wish I can be a better writer to describe how I felt, but like I said, words don't do justice. But I'll like to try... to share this excerpt of my day with you. My account on my KK trip can wait. :)

I met an old friend today. In our exchange of surprised greetings, he commented that I looked good. Jokingly, I laughed and said that I always look good. ;) And then, with a gentle pat on my arm, he said in a most good-natured way, "well yeah, but 2 years ago around this time, you looked like you lost your direction in your life. I was so worried. It's good to see you bounced back."

As much as I'll love to deny it, I knew he was right. I'll love to downright deny that I was simply just not myself then. I'll like to say that I was strong; I got through that period of time. I could say that not many people knew I was going through a rough patch then; my facade was award-winning, I hid my feelings impeccably well - how many could tell? Not many, not many at all. Those who claimed to be the closest to you sometimes just have no clue at all.

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see what you mean to me
All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye

And now I know
How far you'd go

But I knew I could never have done it alone. What I'm trying to draw here is that... wow. Yeah, I remember 2 years ago. The ups and downs; everything. I remember the handful of people who could see right through me; and helped me in every step. I see God's grace, I felt it. It's been 2 years, and hey, I'm fine now. Happy, even. Yeah, I'm happy. :) It's like an exhilarating rush to proclaim that - being happy. I can have one huge reason to make me feel like I've lost loved ones, but for all the people who stuck with me, for all the moments I knew was worth it... it has became all the reasons for me to know that I am loved.
.
.

I will be all that you want
And keep myself together

Because you keep me from falling apart...

- Leona Lewis, 'I Will Be' -

* * * * * *

Soup tulang sent to my doorstep, to get through another assignment night.
:)

¤ ~ *where yØur [ hea®t ] is, there yØur treasure will be ~™ ¤

Taking me by surprise

> Extraordinary life lessons in ordinary times

tonight.

Acceptance.

Little happies!

Random revelry in May and June

What exactly do you do in PR, really?

An ‘awesome’ career: 10 things PR pros do in their jobs

'And I Held Your Hand, And Walked Right Up The Bus'

Me trae muy lejos

My week in a glance

Of auspicious dates, and perhaps a little more behind it all

Memories Are Made of This.

Contentment: Work In Progress

> ok. so maybe I could be wrong

2011, and simplicity

Forever. And ever.

for·ev·er

Because life's too short.

But I smile, yet again.

Awww.

Leaving for good, and leaving for good reasons

Only in dreams

What's happiness to you?

Note To Self.

there will always be a Plan B.

Just a quickie

Because in the end, it's the little things that matter...

breathing it in

Coming to terms.

"and when you can... do watch over me"

I have just one question...

to simplify... and live.

sweet whisper

a very different morning

perfect imperfection

too exhausting.

Stripping all duties and just being me

because there's still tomorrow

More to come.

Ignorance

Shredding Paper Hearts

a matter of perspective

chasing the last bus home

I'm Not ready Yet.

"...let me be untainted in this tainted world.."

before insanity strikes

Falling in love with new places

of literary nonsense and The Last Assignment

taking a breather

Wouldn't it be nice...

Some people are just born with it

The Adventures of Supergirl & Miss Sunshine

I'll Stand By You

bouncing back